Escape to Beestonia, Part 5: Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Into Your Inbox.

Oh Teri, how I miss you. Not only did you propel my blog into the stratosphere, gaining more hits in a day than ever before, being bigged up on B3TA, Urban75 and the very wonderful people at LeftLion, and being read worldwide, you also gave me a very good reason to drink a ridiculous amount of red wine late into the night while I awaited for Kuala Lumpar to come on-line. Those nights will always be precious to me, dear Teri. In a different world we could have been something. You, me , a sofa crammed full of money and maybe some goats. Sadly it was not to be. Shes gone. Or so I thought.

After publishing the epilogue to the story, she sent me this email as way of closure

I have been through alot lately
And the last thing i need is someone oversea threating me okay
My fears dont exist no more simply because my life is to hardened to suck in any fearI will go to any extent to get a new life for myself.
I hope your friend Matt gets well soon
He really cared about me and i appreciated the fact for once in my life a man wasnt trying to take advantage of me


Teri Lou.

Im almost touched. I resist temptation to write back claiming I have made a miraculous recovery after being read her emails to induce me from my coma. Enoughs enough, I figure, one doesn’t want to jump the shark with this. I’ve had my fun, I wasted her time, thats enough. Goodbye, sweet Theresa Lou.

There is a more practical purpose to this. Anyone sticking an ad on Gumtree who is subsequently contacted by Miss Lou can cut and paste her text into google and up pops my story, and they can choose to ignore her, or, if they have as twisted a mind as I, play around with her and waste her time.

Credit then to Gareth Davies, who as I have previously mentioned was the first person to get in touch and let me know hes counter-scamming Teri, and it seems he still is, with him now screaming vitriol at her in some hilariously sweary emails.

And then there is the less crude, but absolutely genius work of Peter Hassett, who encountered Teri a few weeks ago. The full text is here . Its quite an epic read, and you can possibly skip by the bits where she sends the same emails as she sent me, but do read the little notes on the text. The sheer joy Peter has in writing Welsh poetry at her shines through, and his brilliant ploy to make her lose money and time is truly genius, and I’m mildly envious I didn’t think of it.

And that is the end, right? Teri Lou keeps on scamming, the Malaysian police are hardly  following my tip with any great enthusiasm, but now if anyone wants to check to see who this mysterious Malaysian is they can with ease. Life gets back to normal, Beestonia returns to its normal few hits a day. I split up with my girlfriend, get back to work, break all my new year resolutions, the usual. I meet a man who looks incredibly like Herc from The Wire:

And then, three weeks after i bid farewell to Teri Lou, im browsing my email and this pops up

I got to see your post Matt
Very funny and nice.But what you fail to know is i make nothing less than 7000 pounds a week from the UK
I guess you are just wasting your time playing around.

I got many clients to attend to
See u in the next world

Teri Wong

Bejesus! shes alive! And shes  cottoned on to me! My heart flutters, this is joy, pure joy.

Im quick to reply

Terry!I have really missed you! No, honestly. Whoever you are, I had the BEST fun talking to you.

As you can see, Im not dead, or in hospital. I have all my limbs, and haven’t done anything obscene to a goat for years. My cover is blown. Oh well.

£7000 is a very decent wage! How many people do you do a week for that type of money?

I am very impressed with your tactics, but think you could do this a lot more efficently, and credibly. I have a few ideas on how you could make this a lot more profitable….wanna hear?

Still holding a dripping candle for you

And now the story gets truly bizarre. Lukas Begg comes into my life.

Wow this is very interesting
I almost got duped by this same lady

nothing special, as mentioned before, I get a lot of these, Teri is a prolific lady

Then he sent this, and my socks were quite literally blown off:

I even spoke to her via skpye and it was kindda real seeing her
But my instincts just wasnt feeling right

Skype! Skype! He chatted to her via video? This is totally unprecedented. I need to know what she looks like. It suddenly takes on a greater degree of reality. I fire off a response to Mr Begg, asking a plethora of questions, press send and erm…nothing. The email pops straight back. The email address is invalid. I need to contact him though, so I first check Facebook. No joy. Theres a Lukas Berg, a Lukas Bugg…but no Lukas Begg. Fair enough, the whole world isn’t on Facebook. I google him. No results. I try resending the email. Again, it pings back.

Its should be noted here that ‘Lukas’ posted these comments on the blog on the same day as Teri resumed contact. I re-read the comments. He sounds a bit like…well, he sounds like Teri. Or is my imagination tipping into the paranoid?

Another email appears. Its Teri again.
Well Matt
If you take a moment and look at this World
No money is clean Money.I have been duped of all my savings by a british National whom promised me visa and marriage
I sent him a total of 4875pounds all for this process
I loaned money and alot at stake

But here i am duped
This is just a pay back

But i wish you well
And nice Beestonia site


Thanks Teri, thats very kind. Check the wording, the use of the word ‘dupe’. I will don my deerstalker, chuff my pipe and conclude, my dear Watson’s, that  ‘Lukas Begg’ is Teri Lou. Which means that Teri Lou has actually posted on my site. This is far too post-modern. Which also leads me to the conclusion Teri Lou is bonkers. Absolute nut-nut.  She also starts emailing Gareth Davies with a renewed fervour.  Gareth Davies, who is mentioned a few times in the blog, which she has read. He is shocked too, after she had disappeared on him. She claims to him that she has been ill. He points out that the room is taken, and in no uncertain terms, go away. She doesn’t. Teri Lou shall not be ignored.

And there lies the state of play. A Malaysian national, Tim, has been in contact, offering to help me get this to the Malaysian police more effectively. I may have tried ringing her a few times. I may have left her some voicemails. Theres talk about adapting this into a magazine article or radio play. Its all very fun, but bewildering. All I can do is sit by my laptop, awaiting for her to get back in touch.

Or I could fly out to Kuala Lumpur and try and find Miss Lou….that might be fun…

Jan 29, 2010

Many thanks to Gareth Davies, Phil Ward, Peter Hassett, Tim,my lovely ex who had to put up with my love for another woman, Jon Taylor, Moira Kean, Aras Off-License, my housemates for putting up with all of this, you for reading this epic tale and most of all, Teresa Lou, whoever you are.