OhDear….Soubry Rings Pickfords….Other Smithereens.

Its a bad week for the reds. Labour go into opposition, Forest get crushed by Blackpool and I give up the Vin Rouge. Its been a week of blue mondays.

Still, Im curiously optimistic. Watching how Clegg has to suppress a squirm every time he looks at his new colleague CallMeDave, I doubt the alliance will hold up for long. I didn’t want Clegg to go into a coalition with Cameron or Brown, rather link up again with Compo and Foggy and have some hapless Yorkshire-Dales based pensioner wackiness. Alas. Blue meets Yellow and a rather ugly green appears.

It wont last. Imagine the next edition of Question Time. Only one member of the coalition can take on Labour. PMQs: will Clegg get his right to two questions? What will theybe?:  ‘How do you get to be sooooo handsome Davey? Fancy a drink later?” These are bizarre days.

This will put the opposition in a handy place, able to criticize the inevitable swingeing cuts and be the only ones to do so, while Clegg suddenly realising that tying himself to Cameron’s mast means he will be destroyed as ruthlessly as Ahab. The Lib Dems will either defect, split or simply be absorbed.

If this results in an election (I checked Ladbrokes earlier, they are saying its an evens chance we’ll have another G.E. before the next snow falls) I predict Soubry will be ousted, as the Greens will possibly save their deposit money and lend Palmer (for I also predict it will be him) 500 votes, which when added to the defecting Lib Dems, would easily oust Soubry and turn Broxtowe back into a healthy shade of scarlet once again.

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Which could also be doubly bad for Soubry. One of her pledges if elected was to move to Broxtowe, and I know Im not the only person who is going to make sure she keeps to this promise. Where would she go? At the moment she has an apparently lovely big house, with an indoor heated swimming pool. I can’t think of anywhere comparable here. Maybe she’ll claim Bramcote Baths as her domain.

Beeston Fields Drive? Its a souless, ugly place, proof that money and taste are in no way bedfellows. Thatched cottage next to SpanishVilla next to Georgian Mansion…its an incongruous, hollow place; gated and unsympathetic. The type of place you can imagine Kirsty Allsopp squealing with happiness about.

Nuthall? Some nice places up there, tucked away from the bulk of her constituents. Trowell? There are a few fine houses round the back of the Services, plus, its handy for the motorway.

My brother has offered her place in St Apleford. Its a fine three bed terrace, handy for the shops (its opposite the CO-OP), right near Stabbo Conservative Club, and only smells slightly of wet dog. Anna, if you are reading this (I know you do, how could you resist?), drop me a line and I’ll sort a contract out for you. Two references please, and a month up front.

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Oh, and its a minimum six month contract. Bear that in mind.

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A heartening thing about the election process was the crapness of the BNP. They did retain deposits in Broxtowe and elsewhere, but made arses of themselves and lost loads of seats inthe locals. Why did they do so badly? I reckon its because everytime Nick Griffin was shown a poll, he sent it back.

http://instantrimshot.com/

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I’ve given up booze. This week has been too weird to drink in, and I’m presently getting more confused and rambling by the clarity of sobriety than the effects of 3 bottles of Burgundycould ever do. My apologies to Aras Off License, which has announced a profit warning since they got wind of this.

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12 thoughts on “OhDear….Soubry Rings Pickfords….Other Smithereens.

  1. I used to work in Sandiacre and know exactly where your brother’s place is. Handy as you say for the Co-Op, and indeed the Chequers and the Feathers. How can she resist?

    In the unlikely event she makes good on this, my bet is Attenborough.

    I was going to say that at least over here in Rushcliffe we know that Ken lives in the constituency, but then again he himself claimed that he spent so little time in WB, his wife was eligible for the single person council tax rebate. I don’t suppose he’ll be here much more since he’s now Justice Minister. Funny old political world, isn’t it?

  2. Peter Kobryn says:

    Weird, weird week

    Seeing Nick Cameron & Dave Clegg on their double podium made me feel I’d banged my head and woken up in an alternative universe…..

    I did enjoy seeing Alistair Campbell winding up Adam Boulton a treat though

  3. Kate says:

    *I did enjoy seeing Alistair Campbell winding up Adam Boulton a treat though*

    ———–

    Priceless wasn’t it

  4. Andrew Turvey says:

    As a “life long LibDem”, I’m actually quite surprised how much of the coalition agreement I actually agree with:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/election_2010/8677933.stm

    Reading through I can’t find a huge amount to strongly disagree with. Who would have thought that from a (mostly) Tory government.

  5. kathz says:

    One part of the coalition deal needs to be resisted – urgently. There’s an agreement to raise the requirement for a vote of no confidence in the Commons to a 55% majority instead of a simple majority as at present. This would not only allow the tories to carry on in government if the coalition broke up – it would presumably apply to any minority government in the future. Given how much ministers can do independently, this is really worrying – and I think that even people who support the Lib Dems and the coalition – perhaps especially people who support the coalition in other ways – should consider lobbying and campaigning about this. It’s had very little publicity but is a major change to the way parliament works.

  6. Foggy Moggy says:

    Just for reference my copy of Kaspersky tells me the following about the rimshot page

    The requested object is INFECTED with the following viruses: HEUR:Trojan.Script.Iframer

  7. Gareth says:

    Surely the coalition will hold. The Lib Dems will already have alienated some of their voters by entering an agreement with the Tories. They can only compensate for this by winning voters who see them working credibly in government. And Cameron would lose authority if he isn’t able to hold together a working, effective government. He needs to introduce spending cuts which not everyone will like, so needs to ride it out for long enough for the economy to look improved. Their agreement is moderate enough not to annoy many MPs from the fringes of either party, and it hurts both parties’ credibility if the coalition collapses.

    I think the difficulty will come in three-and-a-half years or so. This is far enough away that unpredicted issues not covered by the negotiated agreement will start to take presidence, and this is where disagreement can emerge. Also, it’s close enough to the next General Election for the two parties to want to differentiate themselves (especially MPs in marginal constituencies), so the backbiting starts. But surely Miss Soubry will have found a house by then.

  8. Andrew Turvey says:

    Kathz – you’ve misunderstood the change. Votes of no confidence will still only need 50% to succeed which will lead to the fall of government. The difference is the fall of government will not automatically lead to a new election, so that other combinations can be tried first.

    The enhanced majority – 55% – will apply to calling an early election which will only be possibly by parliament rather than the PM.

    Fixed term parliaments are clearly a good thing. Frankly it’s embarrasing that we still have a system where the PM can set the date for his political advantage. The uncertainty leads to the mess of “wash up” which gave us the disaster that is the Digital Economy Act

  9. Alan-a-dale says:

    Matt

    Do you realise that some people are taking your blog seriously?

    These are indeed strange times.

    • beestonia says:

      I figure if Kay Burley and Adam Boulton can be classed as serious political journos, so can I…

  10. Nick Palmer says:

    The BNP didn’t hold their deposit in Broxtowe! It needs 5%. So that’s £1500 that the council doesn’t need to raise in council tax, kindly donated by members of the BNP (haha), UKIP (OK though candidate *was* a nice guy) and Greens (sorry).

    I don’t think we can really judge the coalition or its programme yet – they’re still at the early stage where they’ll do various nice things and any problems are down to the last lot. I’m not sure that the published programme will bear much resemblance to what they’ll be known for in practice, but we’ll see.

    • Kate says:

      The BNP didn’t hold their deposit in Broxtowe! It needs 5%. So that’s £1500 that the council doesn’t need to raise in council tax, kindly donated by members of the BNP (haha),

      ————

      Oh joy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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