Bing Bonkers; Move Over Beeman…

Lots of interesting stuff going on in the sweet land of Beestonia, but this will be but a small post, as

  • I fell in a bramble hedge/ nettle patch at the weekend and my hands are so covered in little cuts and scratches its agony.
  • Its too hot, so Im dressed in the bare minimum of apparel, and one must retain some decorum when writing, so must be properly shirted. This doesn’t apply to Sophie Dahl.
  • The really juicy stuff might be popping up Thursday, but I’m going to be all cruel and keep mum till then.  Watch the skies.

So a bit of Beeston Weird.

A while back, I reported on how there is a bizarre plaque-based tribute to Bing Crosby in the wild fields beyond Attenborough Nature Reserve. I went back to the same fields on sunday to pick blackberries and root up wild horseradish with my duped housemate who still thinks we just never found the pub we were going to. Here he is, looking really impressed hes been cuckolded into increasing my fruit-gathering operation ten fold with his extra-reach arms:

I took him to the plaque, as it is tacked to a bench with a staggering vista of the Trent and its valley before it, and then I noticed it. Take another look. Can you spot whats weird about it, apart from the fundamental oddness of it being there in the first place?

As Crosby fans,  as all Beestonians are, I bet you spotted it earlier. If not, shame.

The second single I ever bought was Crosby, and his duet with Bowie, (the accolade for first goes to Orville’s eponymous ‘Song’, a song still wreathed in so much pathos, angst and the sound of crushed dreams  tempered with love). I remember hearing that Crosby died soon after this duet, possibly at shock that Bowie lived next door -well, he did in the video.

So WHY ON EARTH are Bing’s dates given as 1939-95? WHY? He died in 1977, and was born in 1903.  What are these dates? If anyone knows, put me out my misery. Please.


Another strange anomaly in this bizarre corner of the far reaches of Beestonia is a cairn-like plinth that possibly once was home  to a sign hopefully explaining what the totally wrong plaque is there for.

I also hear that Anthony Gormley is  looking for a new project, after retiring the concept of using statues of his own body everywhere. If you’re reading this Ant, and I know you and Tracey Emin love a bit of Beestonia,  heres a little idea I have:

I’m thinking stainless steel, possibly gold plated.  Cheers, Gormles.

9 thoughts on “Bing Bonkers; Move Over Beeman…

  1. Nick Palmer says:

    It’s a different Bing Crosby. He was a Conservative councillor for Bramcote, where he helped numerous residents with planning applications for 8-bedroom houses, and gave endless pleasure to the council AGM in 1983 by his stirring rendition of “Happy Days Are Here Again” to celebrate Mrs Thatcher’s re-election. When John Major took over in 1995 he could not bear the pain, and he set sail in a small boat for the Antarctic, and is presumed to have foundered. it’s very sad.

    • beestonia says:

      Ha, before I read that I thought ‘Oh, brill, mystery solved’ and actually googled ‘BING CROSBY CONSERVATIVE BRAMCOTE’ only to find this very page as the second listing…

    • Kate says:


      sorry, it’s terribly sad, I just couldn’t stop myself.

      • Nick Palmer says:

        It’s OK, Kate, it’s not actually true…just a bit of late-night whimsy to see if I could take Matt in… 🙂

  2. Kate says:

    I fell in a bramble hedge/ nettle patch at the weekend and my hands are so covered in little cuts and scratches its agony

    Please reassure us you didn’t slip off the wagon at the Crown’s excellent annual beer festival? Seriously, look after your poor hands, without them a writer is nothing.

    • beestonia says:

      I did attend , on friday,and very good it was too. Unfortunately, I drank lime and soda throughout as Im still on the wagon, but the Crown’s Lime and Soda is still better than most pubs best ale.

      As for the hands,I might just employ a secretary to note down my ramblings.

  3. pete k says:

    Hope the hands are healing well Matt…

    The mystery of Bing must be solved – unless some poor soul was bestowed the name Bing on birth you thing they would at least have spent another 50p on the engraving fee for a couple of ” ” around the name

    I’ll engage all of my detective resources on this ( i.e try a few googles if I remember )

  4. Alan-a-dale says:

    The real Bing Crosby was born in 1903… so we’re no closer to solving the mystery of the plaque are we?

    Personally, I’m going to stick with Nick Palmer’s story…

    Awful picture of Anna Soubry on the NEP website today… and pathetic defence of her employing a young Conservative racist twat in her office.

    Made me smile…

  5. Ben Gray says:

    The date’s on Bing’s plaque look like 1935-1996 to me. I’ve found a John A. Crosby born in Nottinghamshire in 1935 but can find no connection to a Pam. If this was all set in the 1800s I could have solved this mystery already. I’m sure someone working at Experian could clear this up.

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