Do you believe in Angels?
‘Pah’, I hear you cry ‘As a modern, post-Dawkins rationalistic Beestonian, I do not indulge in such supernatural concepts, and shame on you good Lord B for even questioning my intelligence’. But they exist, and they will be descending on Beestonia very soon. March 11th, to be precise. Around about nine pm. Its a Friday.
Before you go scuttling into the confession booths to convert before Apocolypse, I best point out that the angels are certainly Christian, but not winged, halo’ed or attracted to Lynx deodorant. No, these people are flesh and blood, and are here to aid you when your blood looks likely to escape in big heaving gulps from your flesh.
You may have seen Hope Nottingham on the streets of our weired city already. They style themselves ‘Street Angels/ Street Pastors’, and spend weekends tending the weekend wounded: the drug casualties, the drunks, and those whose mates have abandoned them and they just spent their taxi money in the 24 Hour Greggs. Its a newish thing, starting in Halifax five years ago with the intention of absorbing the shockwave that hits town after a weekend of Alcopopageddon.
I’m thoroughly atheistic, despite allegations of being in possession of a Messianic Complex (as if! Jesus and I differ MASSIVELY. He had nepotism on his side. I’ve worked my way up), so should find something cynical to say about this, but I genuinely think its a good thing, a selfless act and one I could have definitely done with in the days when I could still see the prospect of a Night in Nottingham as a glowing wonder of adventure and potential, and not a thing to be feared, as it would break my very nice Horlicks/Two malted milk biscuits/ Radio 4 play off iPlayer routine. So many nights I found myself in gutters, casualty, scary ladies houses as there was no one out there to cushion me from such horrors.
I’m not saying we’re some sleepy hamlet, but we’re a MASSIVE step down from Town. I’ve had a few problems after a night on the sauce-about a year ago I had a potato headed hoody whisper in my ear he was going to stab me when I walked home; I witnessed the aftermath of a stabbing eighteen months ago, but its hardly Sodom and Gomorrah on the streets of Beeston. Not since The Barrel closed, anyhow.
So the Angels will be underemployed, I imagine. They don’t possess police powers, so there wont be replacing Notts bobbies (well not yet, if The Big Society gets wind of this I’ll possibly see Beeston Police station in the queue at the DHSS). So what will they do?
Outside the Vic, they’ll shepherd the middle classes, unused to a third glass of wine, into their designated drivers Volvos, tending to customers at the Crown they’ll assure them that yes, the wonderfulness has to end as the staff have to go home, and outside the Last Post they’ll be sitting them down and gently explaining that Wetherspoons are the armpit of the earth, and there are other pubs in Beestonia, many of which have seats that haven’t spent the last 12 years marinating in alky-piss.
As you may have heard, MP Soubry’s pet project, to legislate on the protection of anonymity of those arrested for a crime, didn’t do so well and was dropped. I sort of agree with her proposition, but with reservations, so won’t be mocking her failure, and actually feel a slight sympathy for her. Plus, the debate made for bizarre reading:
Mark Spencer, Conservative, Sherwood: …… When I was a teenager in Nottingham in the 1980s, there was a real issue with the red light district in the city. Nottinghamshire police ran a great campaign to arrest people who were kerb crawling. The Nottingham Evening Post would then print the names of the individuals who had been arrested, and I could never resist buying it just to see whose names were in it that week.
Philip Davies, Conservative, Shipley: Was my hon. Friend looking to see whether his name had been published?
Sadly, Spencer didn’t reply ‘Why, you cheeky twat…’ and swing a punch but replied he was merely a 15 year old and his scooter wouldn’t get him into town….
Beestonia, i’m sure you agree, is due a refurnish. So for spring, there will be some changes to here, which will broaden Beestonia from just me yabbering away on WordPress blogging software to something a lot more interesting….more later.
Just in case you thought I was being too nice to our incumbent MP, I recently had a chat to an employee of Beeston APC, AKA Rylands Royal Mail.
It seems they are still livid that Soubry hasn’t apologised for her outrageous claims to the House (see Beestonia passim, circa November), so are planning a march on Beeston in a few days time: Saturday February 19th…more info here:
Then again, to her credit, Soubs is campaigning in the House for Broxtowe CAB. This is good news, if she means it. Though to raise such issues while whole-heartedly supporting the cuts smacks of crocodile tears….. what do you think?