Angelic Beestonia; SoubzNewz; Beestonia2.0 (soon); Post goes Marching: Marchers go Postal?

Do you believe in Angels?

‘Pah’, I hear you cry ‘As a modern, post-Dawkins rationalistic Beestonian, I do not indulge in such supernatural concepts, and shame on you good Lord B for even questioning my intelligence’. But they exist, and they will be descending on Beestonia very soon. March 11th, to be precise. Around about nine pm. Its a Friday.

Before you go scuttling into the confession booths to convert before Apocolypse, I best point out that the angels are certainly Christian, but not winged, halo’ed or attracted to Lynx deodorant.  No, these people are flesh and blood, and are here to aid you when your blood looks likely to escape in big heaving gulps from your flesh.

You may have seen Hope Nottingham on the streets of our weired city already. They style themselves ‘Street Angels/ Street Pastors’, and spend weekends tending the weekend wounded: the drug casualties, the drunks, and those whose mates have abandoned them and they just spent their taxi money in the 24 Hour Greggs. Its a newish thing, starting in Halifax five years ago with the intention of absorbing the shockwave that hits town after a weekend of Alcopopageddon.

I’m thoroughly atheistic, despite allegations of being in possession of a Messianic Complex (as if! Jesus and I differ MASSIVELY. He had nepotism on his side. I’ve worked my way up), so should find something cynical to say about this, but I genuinely think its a good thing, a selfless act and one I could have definitely done with in the days when I could still see the prospect of a Night in Nottingham as a glowing wonder of adventure and potential, and not a thing to be feared, as it would break my very nice Horlicks/Two malted milk biscuits/ Radio 4 play off iPlayer routine. So many nights I found myself in gutters, casualty, scary ladies houses as there was no one out there to cushion me from such horrors.


I’m not saying we’re some sleepy hamlet, but we’re a MASSIVE step down from Town. I’ve had a few problems after a night on the sauce-about a year ago I had a potato headed hoody whisper in my ear he was going to stab me when I walked home; I witnessed the aftermath of a stabbing eighteen months ago, but its hardly Sodom and Gomorrah on the streets of Beeston. Not since The Barrel closed, anyhow.

So the Angels will be underemployed, I imagine.  They don’t possess police powers, so there wont be replacing Notts bobbies (well not yet, if The Big Society gets wind of this I’ll possibly see Beeston Police station in the queue at the DHSS). So what will they do?

Outside the Vic, they’ll shepherd the middle classes, unused to a third glass of wine, into their designated drivers Volvos, tending to customers at the Crown they’ll assure them that yes, the wonderfulness has to end as the staff have to go home, and outside the Last Post they’ll be sitting them down and gently explaining that Wetherspoons are the armpit of the earth, and there are other pubs in Beestonia, many of which have seats that haven’t spent the last 12 years marinating in alky-piss.


As you may have heard, MP Soubry’s pet project, to legislate on the protection of anonymity of those arrested for a crime, didn’t do so well and was dropped. I sort of agree with her proposition, but with reservations, so won’t be mocking her failure, and actually feel a slight sympathy for her. Plus, the debate made for bizarre reading:

Mark Spencer, Conservative, Sherwood: …… When I was a teenager in Nottingham in the 1980s, there was a real issue with the red light district in the city. Nottinghamshire police ran a great campaign to arrest people who were kerb crawling. The Nottingham Evening Post would then print the names of the individuals who had been arrested, and I could never resist buying it just to see whose names were in it that week.

Philip Davies, Conservative, Shipley: Was my hon. Friend looking to see whether his name had been published?

Sadly, Spencer didn’t reply ‘Why, you cheeky twat…’ and swing a punch but replied he was merely a 15 year old and his scooter wouldn’t get him into town….


Beestonia, i’m sure you agree, is due a refurnish. So for spring, there will be some changes to here, which will broaden Beestonia from just me yabbering away on WordPress blogging software to something a lot more interesting….more later.


Just in case you thought I was being too nice to our incumbent MP, I recently had a chat to an employee of Beeston APC, AKA Rylands Royal Mail.

It seems they are still livid that Soubry hasn’t  apologised for her outrageous claims to the House (see Beestonia passim, circa November), so are planning a march on Beeston in a few days time: Saturday  February 19th…more info here:


Then again, to her credit,  Soubs is campaigning in the House for Broxtowe CAB. This is good news, if she means it. Though to raise such issues while whole-heartedly supporting the cuts smacks of crocodile tears….. what do you think?


4 thoughts on “Angelic Beestonia; SoubzNewz; Beestonia2.0 (soon); Post goes Marching: Marchers go Postal?

  1. Nick Palmer says:

    I entirely agreed with Anna Soubry’s Bill, and personally I’d go further – I think that defendants should be anonymous until *conviction* (not just charge), but it would have been a reasonable step forward. That said, MPs on average get a ballot slot for a Bill with enough time to get it through every 50 years, so it’s usual either to propose a Bill that has Government support and actually gets through, or to take the opportunity o have enough time to create a real stir over a major issue (that’s how hanging was eventually pushed out). In this case, the Bill seems to have been proposed without getting Government support, and then dropped without a vote as soon as the Minister declined to back it (with a vague promise to look at it). It frankly seems a wasted opportunity.

  2. Ben Beeston says:

    Beeston already has the god squad at the weekend’s laying on hands in the high street another bunch of nutters on the streets will probably go relatively unnoticed.

    Also noticed in Soubry’s bizarre debate she had another pop at the BBC website, claiming because it’s good and free (sort of) that it’s putting everyone else out of business. Still with the Tories in charge I’m sure Rupert Murdock will have a chance to buy a decent slice of it soon enough.

  3. Broken Steps says:

    It must be catching : a new Tory MP in a neighbouring constituency told a parent at the school where I work that we hadn’t replied to her letter relating to a matter he was in dispute with us over. Something we could prove wasn’t true. Transpired her local office to which the response had been sent had ‘moved address’ over Christmas but no-one had thought to have the post re-directed. We’re awaiting an apology (but not holding our breath).

    • Nick Palmer says:

      Broken Steps’ story reminds me of the infamous Stapleford by-election a few years ago, where the (LibDem) town council changed the location of the polling stations and decided to economise by not sending out polling cards, so voters had no way of telling where to vote except by driving around looking for the sign. To be fair (reluctantly, because it’s so funny as a story about fiendish cunning), I’m not sure they actually did it on purpose – it was two separate decisions and they just didn’t think to link them up.

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