Beestonia Says Hello To The Housing Issue.

Welcome to Midsummer Beeston, and the joys it brings. A spell of less than crap weather,  everything green and verdant and bursting with life, England doing surprisingly ok at a major football championship and pub gardens doing a champion job fulfilling the role as Best Place In The Universe.

Well, I’m glad you’re all enjoying it. I certainly would like to, but am so wrapped up in so many things now I make a beehive look like a stoned sloth colony. Slothony.

At the weekend, I donned my Oxjam Market co-ordinator hat, and pootled over to the Birmingham to attend a conference on how to make October’s takeover the best yet. Despite being one of the oldest there, it was a cracking experience, and not just for the free biscuits/hotel room. I won’t bang on too much now, but if by September you’re not chomping at the bits to buy tickets to what will be the BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO BEESTON, EVER I’ve not done my job properly. Prepare to be spammed to high-heaven.


I returned home to complete my house-move, and I’m now fully away from my previous Palace of Power on Willoughby Street. When I announced my move on Twitter, a few Beestonian’s quizzed my new location, and the veracity of my claim that it was ‘still Beestonia’. To be fair, I was fairly unsure myself, so announced that Attenborough is technically ‘West-West Beeston’, just as Sat Bains is a Michelin-starred restaurant in East-East Beeston. This failed to convince some, so I did some research into my precise location and lo! Behold! It turns out, even by the low-ambition and imagination of civic cartographers, to be STILL IN BEESTON. As such, I shall sing:

Don’t cry for me Bee-eston-i-a / The truth is I never left you….

Not that living in a place away from where you represent really matters that much. I didn’t give us much as a gnats guff where our erstwhile MP Nick Palmer resided when he relocated to Mapperley: it was generally acknowledged that he still did his job effectively, whatever your political stripe. However, others thought this was a betrayal, and promised that if they were elected, they would immediately ring CP Walker and hot-foot it over from Gedling to become a true Broxtownian. Hurrah! We all cried, and keened to have this political luminary in our midst: how many of us didn’t think during that heady April in 2010 that we might get to pop round for a cup of sugar from our now dear leader, and abandoned all sense in this intoxication and marked our X so fervently on the ballot paper sparks did fly from the  pencil’s graphite, threatening to ignite that paper where Palmer, Watts, Mitchell, Cobb and that meatheaded BNP twat’s name also cried  for our vote? Such was this tsunami of love, Anna Soubry swept in with a truly incredible majority of 0.7% . A mandate, a cast iron mandate.

We’re not that far off being halfway between General Elections, and, as far as my sources can tell, we’re still to be waiting for her arrival. Last time I wrote about this, her partner Neil Davidson of famously awful builder’s Persimmon demanded I retract the piece as the house was on the market and the reason it had taken so long to get this done was entirely due to ‘personal issues’. Fair enough, but the reason Nick Palmer left Broxtowe – to get married- is definitely something that could be counted as ‘a personal issue’. Of course, you’d be a communist or worse to suggest that Our Delightful Leader is a hypocrite of the worst order, so I urge you: especially you, Javid, to hold your tongue. She’ll be here soon, and we shall welcome her with a procession of palms.

And we’ll all be happy until she does one and boggers off to Rushcliffe in 2015 to cement herself in the inevitably retiring Ken Clarke’s domain.


Ah, enough of your easy-picking sarcastic tone, Lord B. That’s what I here you cry. Then you tell me that I can’t be that against her, as, being a GreenBelt loving man who spent his childhood ‘up woods’, or fording streams, or sitting in swaying fields watching nature…well, you can’t be against her, she’s championing the Greenbelt, you eejit! Plus, just not any old Greenbelt, Greenbelt right where you grew up, Field Farm, between Stabbo and Trowell. She’s your Boudicca of Bucolia, Beestonia, stop the snidiness for a moment and throw your inconsiderable weight behind her!

Oh, I do, I really do. I support her whole-heartedly. I’ll be the first to chain myself to the bulldozers when they roll in. But how honest is her support?  Is this just a cynical ploy? If she blocks all moves by Broxtowe Borough Council to identify and consult on sites – and she’s already furnished her newsletter recipitents with the wrong method of getting their voice heard (then blamed this on the complex red-tape of the consultancy process; despite being a system dreamt up by the Tories that she, ooops, voted for being put in place) – then Central Government find that the Borough has not come up with a coherent strategy, it then sends Eric Pickles rolling up the M1, and, with the help of crap developers , concrete over anywhere they fancy without out any local say-so.

Is this what she actually wants? I’m not a conspiracy theorist, though I do think Prince Philip faked the shooting of JFK on the Moon, but when she gets home from work and shares a pot of tea with her partner Neil (did I mention he is a senior bloke at Persimmon?) does she ever question the fact that he is behind stuff like this?

Just a thought.






9 thoughts on “Beestonia Says Hello To The Housing Issue.

  1. achoudry says:

    Your writing really is rather good. Shouldn’t you be working for one of the nationals, particularly as much of what they churn out isn’t very good at all – and is a stranger to accuracy.

  2. Gill says:

    An entertaining read first thing in the morning!

  3. David Watts says:

    Matt, you are getting very cynical now that you are sans Attenborough! Surely our beloved leader is putting her personal interests, and the massive profits that her family may make, aside in favour of ensuring that Broxtowe can’t provide enough houses and that we will have to suffer new record levels of homelessness in the future. Isn’t that what Tories usually want?

  4. Javid says:

    No no no David. Our Honourable member is being very honourable. Only by not living here will we ever get our housing crisis sorted out. When are you going to move David? That would then mean two fewer houses we need to build in the Green Belt.

    I wish I was so honourable but the trouble is I like living in Beeston.

    • Javid says:

      Ooops sorry just re-read and you asked me to belt up and welcome the Hon Lady when she arrives in her gold-plated coach and four to take up residence (in Willoughby St?)

  5. Steve Barber says:

    The Canvey Island case is most interesting – especially the fact that the Inspector has called into question the Council’s Green Belt policy.

    Developers such as Mr Davidson (Miss Souibry’s partner) know planning law backwards and have very expensive highly trained lawyers to advise them – its their job. The local authorities frankly are worried that if we get something wrong, it could be a fine legal point such as allowing consultations received outside the statutory period into the pot, then we could be found unsound. We too have solicitors who advise. There is no doubt that collectively we are stronger so by having an aligned core strategy with four authorities working together we can afford better legal advice and can pool officer time. Rushcliffe have gone alone and so will have more expense and also there’s a greater risk of them being found unsound. Miss Soubry advised us to follow Rushcliffe’s lead, but we declined thinking that we’re better off with our partners.

    Time will tell.

  6. Fred says:

    How can you move to Attenborough – sorry, West West Beeston – after the bright lights and action of Buzzing Beeston? Attenborough’s a lovely place to visit and go walkies along the river, but the only things buzzing there are the bees and the gentle snorings of its elderly residents, and it’s miles to the nearest pub, let alone to the pub paradise that is Beeston. Was Attenborough set up by the Temperance League?

  7. Mike says:

    Broxtowe on the Box on Friday 13th. Soubry’s debating Broxtowe’s GreenBelt in the Commons, Main Chamber, last item. May be on BBC Parliament. She’s asking for clarification on the National Planning Policy Framework.

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