Palmer a Cert To Return? / The Beestonian Party Line Up Announced / An Introduction To Soubzlogic.

I’m off to see a talk by Beeston’s Most Famous Son, Sir Paul Smith later today, so best rattle this off fast so I can spend at least an hour having a breakdown as I try to decide what shirt to wear. Let’s do politics first.

The Labour selection list for Broxtowe in 2015 will be an open list, and not an all-woman (though our neighbours in Erewash will have a limited list). This means that Nick Palmer will be the front-runner for the role, though by no means a shoe-in. It looks, according to the recent Ashcroft polling, that Broxtowe will become an easy gain according to current psephological models: expect a lot of interest. Stirrings on the left of the party suggest they might have other ideas on who should lead them into battle against Soubry. We’ll know over summer: watch this space.


More news on the Chilwell Road Street Party on Saturday 30th March: we were intending to run a special edition of The Beestonian to mark the party, but instead decided to incorporate our piece on the street inside Issue 17, out later next week. We can announce the line-up though for the stage we’re running in conjunction with Oxjam, in the fantastic ale-palace that is The Hop Pole:

6.00pm – 7.00pm: Spoken word open mic session
7.00pm – 8.00pm: Emma Bladen Jones
8.00pm – 8.30pm: Rosh Rai
8.30pm – 10.00pm: Joe Barber
10.00pm – 11.00pm: Phil Langran / Steve Benford.

We’ve featured all artists at some time in The Beestonian, so it’s a terrific honour to have such a stellar line up. Entrance is free, but we expect you to say thanks by shopping down Chilwell High Road at least 6 times a week. Ta.


Anna being presented with a dissenting voice and applying 'Soubzlogic' by closing her eyes and pretending it's not happening.

Anna being presented with a dissenting voice and applying ‘Soubzlogic’ by closing her eyes and pretending it’s not happening.

We’ll finish on a bit of Soubz Watch. It’s pretty clear that our esteemed MP doesn’t much like people who disagree with her. I have received mountains of emails from constituents who tell me when they’ve written to her asking her to consider an opinion on some proposed legislation, she simply refuses to answer. When the issue is forced upon her, such as in the infamous case with the postal workers she agrees to talk, then talks directly at them, allows no dissent and then turfs them out.

Soubz last newsletter took this further. She wrote about the campaign group 38 degrees, who campaign for a variety of causes by collective action. They democratically choose a campaign and how it should be ran, then do the leg-work for you. So if you think that the NHS reforms are insidious attempts to destroy the non-profit ethos of our proud health service, they research the finer details and provide a pro-forma for you to tap in your details and send to your elected representative.

Now, I know Anna probably hates collectivism but I thought she might, as a Thatcherite, at least admire the enterprising zeal and efficiency of such a method. Oh no. She wrote a scathing diatribe claiming:

Assurances from 38 degrees to some of their supporters  have not assured me that they are independent and non party political.

It’s carefully worded to avoid libel, but in effect she’s accusing the group of being socialist stooges possibly in the pay of Labour or some other left of centre party. Strong stuff. Though typical Soubzlogic.

Soubzlogic is a new branch of rhetorical logical positivism that takes any idea and judges it with two questions:

  1. Is it at all off-message with Cameron and the whips?
  2. Is it something that might seem a tad left of centre?

If the answer to either, or both of these is yes, then

  • The presenter of the idea must be a red-sock wearing, muesli-knitting pinko.
  • The idea must ultimately stem from some secret cabal of left-wing idealogues hell-bent on forcing socialism on us in a future coup.
  • The idea must not be considered whatsoever, and be utterly rejected


  • No dissent will be allowed
  • The whips must be happy
  • The use of the term ‘Broxtowe’s Voice in Westminster’ must be uttered without giggling.
  • I will be gifted Rushcliffe one day as long as I poodle along.

That’s the principle concept of Soubzlogic. I’ve applied it to loads of past scenarios and it bears out each time. Try it!

Oh, she also wrote how she believes the Welfare Reform Bill was, in her (the Whips) view ‘fair and proper’ and went on to defend the ‘Bedroom Tax’ by saying ‘it’s not a tax’. Last time I heard Tories use that line was when a similarly unpopular imposition was forced on the poor. It was, I remember them fervently bleating, a Community Charge, not a Poll Tax.

That ended well, didn’t it?

9 thoughts on “Palmer a Cert To Return? / The Beestonian Party Line Up Announced / An Introduction To Soubzlogic.

  1. Javid says:

    Another bit of Soubzlogic:

    When after votes “I promise you that if elected I shall move to Broxtowe”

    After being elected <>

    • beestonia says:

      Last time I pressed her on this her partner sent a threatening missive to me saying I was being ‘unfair…Anna has not moved yet for personal reasons’. Nick moved FOR personal reasons, so it’s an odd excuse when she attacked him on this in 2010. Personally, I care little about where my MP lives as they spend most of their time in London anyhow. What I care about is if they are fit to represent the constituency in Westminster, rather than use our area as a stepping stone. Gedling, Broxtowe…Rushcliffe?

  2. Dr Nick says:

    Tory MP in being a bastard shocker!

  3. Nick Palmer says:

    On the Labour selection, we expect hundreds of applicants (based on the volume going for less apparently marginal seats) from all over the spectrum. People who join Labour now will be able to take part in the discussion of candidates (though you have to have been a member for 6 months to vote, to avoid the “quick let’s sign up my mates” wheeze). I’m certainly making no assumptions, though I’d like to do it.

    Also, of course, anyone joining now gets to help eject some pro-Coalition County Councillors rather more immediately than 2015, and end the Cutts death-grip on Nottinghamshire. How can anyone refuse a special offer like that?

    The odd thing about the Anna residence thing is that it’s a promise she didn’t need to make. For marital reason I moved to Nottingham years earlier and by chance was living opposite Anna. Nobody ever complained – I argued that Broxtowe had about 12 hours a day,. 7 days a week of my efforts and really where I slept was neither here nor there. But she seemed to feel it was a key wedge issue.

    • Mike says:

      The address issue was conspicuous on the ballot paper itself:
      “Palmer: Outside Broxtowe. Soubry: Mapperley.”
      Was this the correct format or gamesmanship?

  4. CT says:

    I think Nick would be a very popular local choice. It would seem unfair for Nick to have nearly achieved the impossible in 2010 only to be shunted out when the seat looks like a dead cert. but I know that’s not how it works.

  5. I’ve also been ignored by ‘Soubz’. Just sent her an email concerning NHS, so will see if she responds to that one!

  6. Judy S says:

    If Nick is not chosen then he should stand as an Independent. I find it impossible to believe he will not be selected, if he is not then I will not be voting at all.

  7. […] So the dark arts come into play. I’ve had my own share of this: somebody who regularly comments on anything I writ about Soubz telling me not to, someone who uses a different name and email address each time but doesn’t bother covering their IP address. Or their style of writing. Then there is Broxtowe Blue  ,the self-proclaimed ‘Home of sensible comment in Broxtowe’ , that posts once every few months and is still so slackly moderated that comments I’ve made in response to attacks on Beestonia have still yet to be put up. Slack moderation or an application of Soubzlogic? […]

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