Beestonia Needs Your Home!; The Beeston Express:D’oh!

Want to be in the movies? No? How about your house? Does your gaffe long for Hollywood? Now it has a chance. A local film-maker is looking for a location for a soon to be filmed short:

The film is set in a modestly furnished semi or detached house. The 2/3 min film will be shot over a weekend at the end of Feb. We need to film in the dining room, sitting room, kitchen and a double bedroom. I will pay some inconvenience money. The film will be for submission to all the major film festivals.
Contact Steve by email:  steve.deery@ntlworld.com, or call on  07985 199 054 

So there you go: if your domestic interior has star-quality, give Steve a call.

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Read the latest edition of  The Beeston Express? If so, you may have been bemused by a strident front page article on the tram/Beeston Square, which declared itself the only credible source on the forthcoming changes by chuntering:

…there can be nothing worse  than sitting in a pub on a Friday evening listening to people-who think they know everything but actually know nothing-repeat rumours and hearsay…

Which is just a little patronising, but it gets worse:

Can I say here, if you are one of the people who enjoy repeating unfounded rumour….there is no need for the idle talkers amongst us to add to the existing anxiety levels of those older citizens who now find themselves living in the path of the tram

Ok, a couple of points: people go to pubs to talk, some of those things will be what they’ve heard about local issues, and they chat to discuss, argue and ascertain fact. But you best stop. The Beeston  Express knows best, and you may only express (!) opinions that have been sanctioned through the latest edition. After all, theres nothing worse than not doing so. Also,older citizens tend to be – as I discovered when running the Wilkos petition-the best informed people in Beeston. It’s not nice to condescend them, so don’t.

This editorial line might be helped a little if they actually printed fact and not, err unfounded rumour, such as

(Wilkinsons) will close on March 31st, 2012

No it won’t. The date given to staff is actually a whole fortnight later, on April 14th. Staff were therefore subjected to an increase in their ‘existing anxiety’ by a serious case of an ‘idle talker’ repeating ‘unfounded hearsay’.

If Lord Leveson is reading this, you might like to extend an invite….

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A Beestonia Special: Cllr. Cox Clocks Off.

The Curse of Beestonia strikes again! Just days after suggesting that Councillor Craig ‘not racist’ Cox would be a shoe-in for the vacant Attenborough county council seat, he decides he doesn’t even fancy sticking around on a Borough level and hands in his resignation to move down to London where he has procured a job in the City. He has certainly been good value for this blog: this coming on to my radar when he became Soubry’s assistant despite

  • being investigated by the police on racism charges, after holding up a ‘Bring Back Slavery’ placard at a NUS event
  • Our devoted MP promising before the election that she would not employ party activists in that role. Or live outside the borough, but theres still time for her to honour that one…

He then had a crack at standing for the chairmanship of the optimistically named Conservative Future, the junior wing of the Tories that was formally known as the Young Conservatives, until that particular brand became toxic due to a rather ill-thought out habit of wearing ‘HANG MANDELA’ badges in public. He made it to the last two of the selection process, but the slavery debacle had tainted him to such an extent, reappearing in the national press as the campaigning began that he swiftly went from favourite to runner up.

I assumed he’d moved on then, so was surprised to see his name on the candidate lists for the locals last April. Not only on the lists, but running for the Toton/Chilwell Meadows ward, a seat bluer than a depressed Smurf. He took it with ease, and became the youngest member of the Council, at a tender 23.

To his credit, when I’ve managed to chat to him he came across as quite charming, unfailingly polite and talked avidly about fighting for the reinstatement of a bus route for his constituents. So its a fond farewell to Mr Cox, but I doubt we’ve heard the last of him. He has a quiet determination and ambition that I reckon will propel him into the House of Commons before long. Chancellor to Prime Minister Soubry? Hopefully, by then my birth country of Scotland will be independent so I can flee from the anti-Beestonia legislation probably being drafted right now…

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Cox was, for a profession famously described as  ’show-business for ugly people’, quite a handsome chap, tall,strong jawed and looking a bit like, according to a female Labour activist making eyes at him at the election count ‘a pre-balding Prince William’. While I can see that, I actually think its more Prince William +Will Smith  (not the Fresh Prince one, the posh British comedian who plays the part of a, errr, Conservative Party Ministerial researcher Phil Smith in the sublime comedy The Thick of It).  Judge for yourself:

+

 

 

=

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I’ll have another post for you tomorrow; can’t tell you what yet as I don’t have the full details but I can tell you I have some more on Wilkos, some choice words from, and to Henry Boot Developers (who are going to be redeveloping the much-neglected Square, circa 2050), and an exciting chance for YOU to have your house appear in a very interesting short-film (and get paid for it!). Don’t go changin’….

Blunkett to Beestonia; More on Wilkos, Booze for Ballots.

Loads of stuff to run through, what should be a quiet time is anything much so I’ll keep everything brief. First, a Wilkos update.

The store is definitely closing in April and won’t be reopening instantly. I’ve been assured that sites are being looked at and  everyone is committed to Wilkos future in Beeston, but I’m still amazed at the incompetence exhibited by all involved, a dereliction of duty that impacts on  Beeston more than they seem to have realised.

The 56 workers there have been told they will be split around seven local stores in the area in the hiatus: hardly an option if you’re a minimum wage part timer who only puts in the odd shift. The closest seven stores to Beeston are the two in town, Long Eaton, Ilkeston, Sherwood, Bulwell and Clifton. Most of these cannot be reached on a single bus, so getting to work will make it economically unfeasible to turn up

. So, is there a site that can be temporarily used for the time being? Two suggestions mooted are the Betel/McDonalds site that was recently vacated, and the Peacocks site (Peacocks announced there plunge into administration this week). Unfortunately, both are too small to ensure continuity, but maybe as a compromise? Of course, the other option is to simply pay the staff their full wage throughout the ‘retail pause’. This retainer may create some urgency at Wilkos head office, and put a rocket up the council. Its certainly an issue all political parties have identified as important: councillors from all parties have backed the campaign and for that I’m grateful. Particular props go to Janet Patrick http://www.janetpatrick.org.uk/, who looks after the ward Wilkos is in, and has been very helpful in getting signatures together and the word out.

I’ll be presenting the petition at the next full meeting of Broxtowe Borough Council, which isn’t, unfortunately, until late February. I’ll be back out collecting signatures on the street before that, but if you want to make your voice heard right now, go to http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/savewilkos/ and sign online. Then tweet it, Facebook it, climb a high roof and shout about it.

Thanks also to all the people who responded to my call to be willing to give a quote to the Post in Monday in regards to a story they were planning to run as an update on the campaign…seems it wasn’t needed as the piece has either been dropped or postponed.

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It’s rare that we see much of political heavyweights in Beeston outside election time. So, whatever your political hue, this is worth a look come February:

Former cabinet minister David Blunkett is to visit Chilwell for a public meeting where he will talk about Labour’s alternative to austerity and the challenge of a post-Coalition Britain. In addition he will reflect on his experiences in public life over the past 40 years. The meeting will be chaired by Nick Palmer, Broxtowe’s former MP and now Labour’s Parliamentary Spokesman for the constituency, and is open to members of the public, who will have the opportunity to put their questions to Mr Blunkett.

As well as talking about Labour’s plans, Mr Blunkett – who served as Home Secretary, Education Secretary and Work and Pensions Secretary in Tony Blair’s Government – will share his views on the performance of the Coalition and about Labour’s task in rebuilding trust and support.

Nick Palmer said: “A great many voters are already disillusioned with the Coalition Government but it’s not enough just to oppose. Voters want to know what Labour’s alternatives are, and we’ve asked David Blunkett as one of Labour’s leading national figures to talk about Labour’s strategies and respond to questions. I’m looking forward to chairing the meeting and contributing my own comments on the way forward. “Broxtowe is the 10th most marginal Tory seat in Britain – and in 2010 the Tories won partly by throwing huge amounts of money into the seat. It’s important that we can compete on a level playing field, so this meeting is also a fund-raiser to make sure that we have a fair chance to put the alternative case to voters.”

The meeting will be held at 7.30pm on Thursday 2nd February at Inham Nook Methodist Church in Pearson Avenue, Chilwell, Nottingham. Suggested donations are £5 for the waged and £2 for the unwaged.

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I’m writing this post on the day that every blogger’s best friend, Wikipedia, is down, and that other source of wonderful knowledge, Beeston library, is closed. Thankfully its not become a victim of swingeing cuts (well not yet anyway) but is having a refurb and should be open again on the 13th February even better than before. ______________________________________________

The library closing means I can’t pursue one of my favourite time-squandering hobbies: trawling the Nottingham archives for odd stories. If you have an hour or eight to kill it’s a fine way to whittle the hours away. I think it must be akin to fishing, a ‘sport’ I’ve until now seen the point of. You sit in quiet stillness for ages, until something grabs your attention and breaks the semi-meditative state you”d drifted into. With anglers, it’s a trout, with archive-readers it’s a report on Nottingham having the riot act read to it again (it seems that our ancestors saw rioting as the norm during the early nineteenth century, they’d riot about anything. A toast to the Monarch suggested at the theatre? A riot ensued. Bread prices raised? A riot ensued? News that Prime Minister Spencer Percivel had been assassinated? Celebrations in the city reached such a pitch a riot ensued).

The angler will examine his catch, and depending 0n it’s quality, and either chuck it back or take it home to mount in a cabinet. So forgive me while I relate the following to you: it’s the eqivalent of me landing a whale-shark from a perch on the Erewash. In 1754, to curry favours with voters, wine was made available to the electorate in Nottingham, but only AFTER  they had voted, due to their propensity for forgetting to vote after a few gob-fulls. Better still:

 ’in order to prevail upon that debauched borough, Newark, £1000-£1500 had to be expended… such was their thirst… (a)  number of the guests had the misfortune to take too much of the wine, and die soon afterwards’

Now, we have a real problem in 21st Century Britain getting the electorate out every few years so….. I’m just planting seeds.

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And finally, I’m going to plug myself by telling you the newspaper I edit and publish, The Beestonian has just reached Issue 5 and available in the usual outlets. Big thanks in particular to our sponsors Belle and Jerome and The Treasury  If you’d like to stick an advert in Issue 6, we’d be more than welcome to have you on board: get in touch by emailing mattgoold23@hotmail.com and we’ll sort something out.

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I’ve just glanced down at the notes I made for the little piece about the Nottingham Annals, and can’t publish this post without first mentioning the fact that around two hundred years ago, Nottingham rioted against ‘unscrupulous cheese-makers’. I’m so proud to live where I live.

An unscrupulous cheese-maker, yesterday.

WILKOS!

A bit of an emergency post this: The Nottingham Post are looking to run another story on Wilkos tomorrow, which is great news for keeping the story alive and centre stage. I’ve given some quotes today but they’re looking to have a quote from someone who has signed the petition to give their reasons why. I don’t want to just life quotes from the paper/online petition without prior permission, so was wondering if YOU, or anyone you know, could get in touch asap if you do have someone willing to appear in tomorrow’s paper. If so, ring/text me on 07595954622 and I’ll put you in touch with the Post journo. Cheers

Online Petition.

Quick post to let you know that due to huge demand to do so, we now have the petition online if you still haven’t signed it.

It’s here: http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/savewilkos/ : please feel free to tweet, put on facebook, pass to friends. I think BBC Radio Nottingham are running another piece on it tomorrow and I’m going to use a couple of free hours to do collect more signatures. We are being listened to, but we still need to be shouting.

Huge thanks to James Williams who set the petition up.

Beestonia Takes Centre Stage; Cox to Rise Again?

Ok Beeston, I hope you have a clean shirt and have run a comb through your hair as we’re very soon to be on display to the rest of the county.

From next week, The Nottingham Post will be focusing on Beeston for a whole MONTH. We’ll  be on the front page for the duration, and a spotlight turned upon us. They’ll be features on the history of here, the quirks, the oddness and the general character of Beeston. So if a journalist stops you in the street demanding your opinion of stuff, be nice to them, and no saying rude things about St. Apleford. Thats my job.

More info as I get it.

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And while we’re on the subject of newspapers, Beeston’s most loved quasi-news periodical The Beestonian  will be reaching it’s fifth edition in a few days, which means that I, as editor, will be in a spiral of panic until the day I stagger to the printers, limping and sobbing, clutching a blood, sweat and tears PDF file to my chest, begging it to be printed. Ease my pain, and help. I’m looking for Beestonians to help me fill the column ‘The Beestonian Asks...’ by answering this: whats your predictions for Beeston in 2012? Let me know, and if it’s good, you’ll see your name in print very soon.

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Could Beestonia regular  Cllr. Craig Cox continue his shin-up   the political pole? Af ter failing to become head of Conservative Future last year due partly due to the taint of being investigated for racism due to a student ‘prank’ : http://beestonia.wordpress.com/2010/07/10/soubry-and-the-slavery-fan/ . His rise to become Prime Minister thus had to take a different route, first through becoming Soubry’s assistant , then taking the safe Chilwell Meadows / Toton borough seat. Now, the County council beckons. The sad death of Cllr. Tom Pettengell means that a vacancy has appeared for a County seat, and no other candidate seems likely other than Broxtowe Conservative’s Anointed One.

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A couple of blogs that are well worth a look at:

This bloke seems intent on eating, photographing and reporting on every possible takeaway meal available in Beeston: http://foodisforwinners.yolasite.com/takeaways.php 

and here’s some interesting commentary on the Wilko’s debacle: http://rachelbarkley.wordpress.com/category/interests/news/

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I’m also writing up a review of the year in Beestonia: it’s been a weird one, but will be up soon, as will my Beestonia Awards….keep sending me your views, had some cracking emails through so far so keep them coming.

A Wilkos Update; Beestonia has a Brief Encounter; Best of Beestonia?; How Not To Do Christmas.

I’m going to go quiet on the Wilkos stuff for a bit now, but the battle is far from over. I’m in the process of collating all the signatures, photocopying the resultant sheets and sending these off to all relevant parties. The original set I intend to submit at the next full-council meeting at the Town Hall: I’ll let you know before hand when this is if you’d like to attend with me. Personal experience of attending council meetings is that a good showing of campaigners is effective: councillors very rarely wish to be appear in a bad light when the public are glowering behind them.

If you were not able to sign, there is a way to get your name down. Simply drop me an email  at mattgoold23@hotmail.com with your details on (don’t worry, I won’t sell them to unscrupulous address harvesters) and I’ll get you included. The terms of the petition are simple: ‘We the undersigned urge all those concerned to ensure Wilkos remains in Beeston’.

Heres a (badly edited, sorry) thing that I did on BBC Radio Nottingham about Wilkos:

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While in the depths of the Wilkos campaign, I did a bit of research on the company and found a cracker of a fact I couldn’t not share with you: In the 1945 stiff -upper lip romantic film Brief Encounter, a Wilkos store (a branch in Beaconsfield, to be exact) is visible in the background of a key scene where Celia Johnson and Trevor Howard politely discuss love through the emotional straitjacket of being English in the Olden Days. Next week I’ll be describing how Chilwell Lidl was the location set for Sunset Boulevard.

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It’s the new year in a few hours, so I will be working on the annual End of Year Round-Up the moment I motivate myself into reading a year’s worth of  Beestonia. This could take some time: writing it is hard enough, you don’t actually think I read it as well? So help me along and let me know who the Beestonia heroes and villains were; what events shook Beeston, anything that saves me having to face the task of trawling through the 100,000+ words I’ve flung onto here over the last 12 months.

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And finally, a cockle-warming Christmas tale. Cos I love Christmas very much, and I love it because however rubbish it might be, however hateful the hangover, however dry the turkey, however dire the jokes that fall from the inevitably disappointing crackers, I’ll NEVER have a Christmas as bad as one I endured 11 years ago, which I will tell you now and then have erased from my memory by some DIY keyhole lobotomising. It has nothing whatsoever to do with with Beeston besides having me as the protagonist, so only read on if you’re into self-indulgent whimsy. Oh, its not for the squeamish either….

At the time, I lived in Kent, working and living in a sprawling real-ale pub.  We were the largest pub in town -Tonbridge, to be precise-and I was roped into manning our tiny upstairs bar with a normally reliable barmaid called Laura. Laura, who that day decided to have a few pre-work sherries and turned up so drunk she spent the entire shift sprawled over the Bacardi Breezers in a dead sleep while I suddenly found the whole of the Weald of Kent at my bar demanding booze, and demanding it now.

After six hours sweaty, back-breaking graft I threw the last punter out and joined the staff on the main bar, which had been properly staffed allowing all the pint-pullers to get pleasantly mullered through the night. I made myself a Black Russian – I had strange tastes back then- and was about to take my first, much awaited slip when my colleague Adam decided to roundhouse kick it out my hand, apparently, ‘for a laugh’.

I didn’t laugh. I didn’t even smile. Far from it. I launched myself at Adam, and we ended up rolling around on the floor, in the fag-ash, beer slops and broken glass, intent on celebrating Yuletide with a spot of homicide. Eventually, we were seperated, and I slunk off to my flat below the pub.

Next morning, I rose early and visited my girlfriend’s house, where I was to spend the rest of Christmas. Sarah: not her real name, for reasons that will become obvious; had a bout of flu, and I got soaked in an icy rain-storm en route, but we both determined to have a great time.

I should have got out early, straight after the exchange of presents. I should have known her unhappiness at recieving a book of poetry from a poet I thought she’d said she ‘liked’ when she had actually said ‘despised’ was an omen. And I should have definately cut my losses and evacuated when she reacted badly to her other present, an engraved pen. I only had spelled her name slightly wrong, but I should have packed up then.

But I persevered, and even faked a smile at her presents to me: three self-help books, addressing problems I wasn’t even aware I was suffering from; and when she announced Christmas dinner was ready, assumed I’d got through the toughest bit. Oh, how very wrong can a man be?

She wasn’t the greatest cook, but had made a decent fist at preparing a traditional plate of food, which I gratefully tucked into. Yes, the slices of turkey were still slightly frozen on the outer edge, yes, the roasties were Aunt Bessie, and no, I wasn’t previously aware that  guacamole was a usual addition to the plate. Yet, when washed down with a warm glass of Liebafraumilch, was just dandy. Then Sarah vomited onto her own dinner.

I’m not a fussy man: I’ve had a kebab from the chippy on Wollaton Road, sober, but I do have a line and that crossed it. Maybe if  the expulsion has been exclusively thrust out upon her own plate, I’d have been fine, but there was a fair degree of splash-back and that found itself on my food. My appetite diminished in a millisecond. The line was crossed. After ensuring Sarah was ok, I pushed the remainder of my meal into the pedal bin.

This seemingly rational action infuriated Sarah who, still dabbing away at her mouth, exclaimed ‘ I spent hours on that, and you just THROW IT AWAY’

‘But…but I was nearly finished…and there was a bit of sick in the gravy’

‘HOURS. OVER. A HOT. STOVE’

At this point she was physically shaking. Prudently, I picked up my coat, and headed home.

I planned to spend the remaining hours of Christmas day in my under-pub flat,  watching TV and cooking up some nice supper later on. Salvage something from a wretched day. The key turned in the lock, and I strolled in to find my carpet made a noise, which it had previously never done. And the noise was a squelch. This seldom  precedes something good.

Chez Beestonian, a decade ago.

The picture above shows what was my flat: its that window on the right. That big wet thing right next to it? That’ll be the River Medway, that had decided to rise up and flood for a while earlier that day. Dirty cold water had eked in, drenching a huge spot on my carpet. A two hour clean-up job ensued, my hands red-raw from scrubbing the river filth from my thin-pile flooring.

After dousing any remaining damp in a thick dusting of Shake n’ Vac, I sat down to watch whatever distracting tat I could find. Sadly, that required electricity, of which there was none. The flood had shorted the fusebox in the unreachable pub cellar, and as the Landlady and Landlord were away in Gillingham, I had no way of restoring it. A steely resignation set in, and with a sigh I saw out the rest of Christmas evening with only a cold tin of beans and a text message informing me I was single for company. Merry Christmas!

Beestonia, yesterday.

Beestonians Unite to Save Wilkos: Others Just Act Plain Odd…

As it’s Christmas, so I should be writing something suitably whimsical about Beeston and reindeer, but as often happens when I’m just looking forward to a nice rest and a mince pie, It All Kicks Off.

I give a pub-based interview with The Nottingham Post on Wednesday with Broxtowe correspondent Alex Britton, which is odd as I’m more used to chatting with Alex before or after the full-council meetings and other local-political shindigs we attend. I’m not really used to being the subject, so when he said ‘I’m now interviewing you Matt’ my normal louche free-flowing speech became a halting stuttering repetitive barrage of non-sequiturs and nonsense, though somehow he span this into a story which I’ve linked to below this post.

Later that day, I get asked by BBC Radio Nottingham if I’d do a piece, so  quick telephone chat in the evening,followed by being on the street outside Wilkos at 7.20am the next morning to be interviewed live by the sprightly and smiley Hannah Meredith for the Breakfast Show. I haven’t listened to it yet but all I can remember was trying to get my message out about Wilkos as my brain fought not to hit panic and shout ‘OH HEAVENS YOU’RE ON LIVE RADIO RIGHT ACROSS THE COUNTY RIGHT NOW IMAGINE IF YOU START SWEARING RANDOMLY HOW BAD THAT WOULD BE GO ON DO IT DO IT’. Somehow,I got through without a breakdown, and Hannah jumped back in her radio car to meet some pagans on Wollaton Park.

With all the media attention, the closure of Wilkos suddenly became a huge issue in Beeston, and by the time I tacked my fresh petition sheets to a  clipboard at 9am, a queue of bewildered shoppers had gathered. For the next six hours, around a thousand more stopped to express their anger, shock and sorrow at losing the store, and to put down their John Hancock to try and prevent it happening.

I have to confess, I had a great time. It’s not often one gets to meet so many people who understand community and it’s needs so well. Beestonians, you were universally wonderful yesterday.The cheeky grinned old ladies who went from sweet grans to head-scarfed Boudiccas the moment they saw the petition; the two gents who I’ve never met before who showed up to help (and in the case of Jeremy, make a cash donation to the fighting-fund of petition sheets, pens and clipboards); the policeman who strolled up and, when I exclaimed I thought he’d come to move me on, said ‘Oh no. I want to sign. Bloody good shop this’; the staff of Wilkos who slipped us flasks of tea at exactly the point my voice was cracking through the near-solid talking; and everyone who took the time to sign even when the queue was six deep. You are all what makes Beeston great, and you know you can make  difference.

Or can they? Some more cynical types signed but with a ‘For what good it’ll do’, and I understand. These are people who have signed petitions before, campaigned for stuff, attended meetings, wrote letters to editors and still found that The Man just does what he likes anyhow. This could be the same for Wilkos. Before I explain why I think this won’t happen this time, heres some back ground.

The first question BBC Nottingham asked me yesterday was ‘Why are you campaigning for a chain store?’, and its a very valid question. I can’t remember what I answered then but I don’t really care much about Wilkinsons the company. I care about this one shop. It is an amenity for the community, serving those who don’t drive and are loathe to enter large supermarkets, people who like the friendliness and helpfulness of the staff, people who like that they seem to sell just about everything practical.It gets loads of trade into Beeston, and is seldom anything but busy. When the high street is under attack from the seemingly interminable economic downturn and the soulless hangars of  that are modern Supermarkets, to lose a real retail success is incredibly imbecilic.

Then there’s the staff. Wilkos is a large employer in Beeston, predominantly part-time women. They have been told that they are probably be going to be out of a job by April, a Christmas message I’m sure they won’t cherish. Redeployment to other stores is not an option for many: if you’re only contracted to do three/four-hour shifts its unlikely you’ll want to sacrifice chunks of your time travelling to other towns, not to mention the hefty financial costs involved. It’s not viable whatsoever. A new Wilkos must be in Beeston, and the staff must not lose one days wage in any transition period.

Who is to blame for the closure? I want to keep the campaign positive and avoid finger-pointing, but it seems three key parties have let this happen. Broxtowe Borough Council, Henry Boot and Wilkinsons themselves all seem to have failed Beeston by not getting a new site sorted soon after the plans to raze the present store were laid out. They’ve known for the best part of a decade, and still not figured it out, despite identifying several potential sites. The developers, the aforementioned  Henry Boot, have famously been unwilling to commit to anything and have systematically frustrated the redevelopment of the Square, which surely should have run concurrent to the tram works to ensure minimal disruption. The Council should have stopped the squabbling between themselves over the tram a while ago: like it or loathe it, its been inevitable for some time but has still been used by councillors for some populist point-scoring when they should have swallowed pride and thrashing out the best deal for Beeston. Wilkinson’s Head Office also need to shape up: they were also responsible for finding a new site and have failed to do so: maybe the large compensation package – funded by council tax, remember-they’ll receive if they have to abandon Beeston caused them to drag their heels somewhat. I don’t know, and I don’t care too much anymore, I, and the 1,000+ petitioners I met yesterday ask one thing: that all concerned parties sit round the table, and do not get up until a deal for a new site that preserves each and every current job is signed. Nothing less is acceptable.

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Cllr. Radulovic

But wait, whats this? It’s Milan Radulovic, head of Broxtowe Borough Council, and he’s outside Wilkos. I proffer my signature sheet and a Bic. Surely he’ll sign? After all, Cllr. Radulovic unfailingly, and with a high degree of gusto and bombast, states in council meetings his passion for the preservation and creation of jobs in Broxtowe. Such a man of the people should be signing, surely? Yet the pen remains in my hand.

‘I’m not signing. I’m not signing as Wilkos isn’t leaving Beeston.’

Blimey, have we been that successful? I know for a fact we had no replacement site as of hat morning, had it changed.

‘Wilkos is staying in Beeston, and some blogs have more facts than others.’ I take it he means Beestonia, rather than comparing Perez Hilton to TMZ. As I’m trying to work out his point, Alan, the aforementioned chap who’d came along to help, asked ‘Where? Where will it be?’, but Milan, along with Cllr Charlie Robb (who you may remember for his rather bizarre views on Climate Change, scroll down to the 14th paragraph) don’t explain, and slink off, leaving me feeling confused and not a little intimidated.

Cllr. Robb. Not a friend of the Laws of Thermo-dymanics.

In the Post article, Milan also states (italics my own)  that he is

‘…confident that a solution has been found and, although there will be a break in trade, Wilkinson’s will not be leaving Beeston permanently…’

Wilkinson’s themselves issued a statement when the media got hold of the issue stating simply

‘Wilkinson’s is committed to remaining in Beeston’.

Will either statement cheer Wilko’s staff before Christmas? Cllr. Radulovic’s is maddeningly vague, and states that even if this mystery new location is agreed upon, the staff will be out of work for some indefinite period of time. Wilkos is purposely vague: the phrase ‘committed to’ is a spin doctors favourite: just as every government will say they are ‘committed to reducing poverty’ or ‘committed to keeping the NHS’ it means little unless they tailor policy so.

So I implore both Wilkos and Broxtowe Borough Council to issue a categorical statement before the New Year that they can guarantee staff jobs, and a seamless transition. The people of Beeston were out in force yesterday, all wonderful people who understand that the things that hold a community together are precious and must be retained. Now prove you do too.

Read the Post article here. Just don’t look at my picture, and skip the bit that says my age. Neither are flattering.

Wilkos: an update.

I’m still missing a laptop, so this is being written on my Blackberry, a far from ideal medium when you consider the spectacular inarticulate nature of my thumbs.

I probably- thankfully-don’t need to give you much introduction on what I’m up to right now: the Wilkos debacle has seemingly interested you more than anything I’ve blogged about that’s not an election.

So, the facts. I first must stress I am campaigning on this issue for reasons that are free of vested interests. I have never worked for Wilkos, am not pursuing some hidden political agenda, or doing this for any other reasons than this: Beeston is taking some huge hits on the High Street right now: to see a shop that is popular, successful and an employer of many closing due to some base incompetence is a travesty that has to be addressed.

Who is to blame, indeed who can resolve the issue is not the key thing right now. I only got confirmation of the closure on friday, and while there is no doubt an analysis to be carried out how the situation came to be, the first thing to do is ensure the bells are peeled, by ensuring Beestonians express their shock and disappointment by petitioning.

Hence two days of campaigning, stymied by other obligations that have led me to only be able to collect signatures for a few hours today. No matter. The response has been incredible, queues forming as I tried to efficiently get their autographs down in time. I spent today chatting to some truly wonderful people, who had either came down after hearing of the imminent closure, or galvanized into an autograph a moment after I’d expained the situation.

If I’d underestimated the situation, the more experienced pros in local media saw it’s potential. Hence a piece in tomorrow’s Nottingham Post, and a live interview on BBC Radio Nottingham’s Breakfast Show at the ungodly hour of 7.30am tomorrow. Tune in.

Why am I trying to save a chain-store? Surely as a fan of independents, I should shrug it off? If you’d stood with me this afternoon, you’d have been amazed at the strength of feeling expressed by those who love the store; for its convenience, it’s value, its staff. I agree whole-heartedly with the former, but the latter really gets me fired up: they are people who deserve better, people who came out on their lunch hour to get themselves on the petition. Beestonians who know that, as many a signaturee made clear to me today ‘ Beeston without Wilkos is not Beeston’.

If you’d like to get involved, we really would appreciate your help for whatever time you could spare wielding a clipboard. Email me at mattgoold23@hotmail.com or simply find us tomorrow to muck in.

And no, despite many queries directed at me, I’m not getting a life-long 20% off Marigolds for doing this. I’m doing this to ensure Beeston doesn’t come a little bit crapper. You should feel that too. I’ll see you later.

Emergency Petition!

Brill. Just as Beestonia gets a scoop and touches a very raw nerve regarding the potential loss of Wilkos in Beeston, my laptop goes kaput. So as I get record hits outside an election, and a huge debate kicks off in the comments page, I’m reduced to running the blog from a rather battered Blackberry with a knackered trackball.

But its very important to get this out, and please pass on the info within. Tomorrow myself and others will be getting a petition together, standing outside Wilkos, to show the support this community gives to one of our finer retailers, and the employees who will soon be on the dole if this incredible piece of poor planning isn’t challenged.

We do need people willing to help: if you can spare some time tomorrow to help collect signatures we’d be overjoyed. I also will have to use the library to get the signature sheets together due to my IT facilities being buggered. Can you help? Let me know, asap by emailing mattgoold23@hotmail.com. If you can’t, please do at least sign the petition, tell everyone about its existence and maybe, just maybe, we’ll keep Beeston from losing one of its better shops. And as my thumbs are now red-raw through typing this, I’ll say tarah. Tarah!

WILKOS TO CLOSE

First, the good news, and tghen the really really crap news.

The tram is now totally greenlighted, and all signatures are dried on all contracts, after a decade of toing-and froing, its official. Whatever your view on the tram, its a good thing that we now have some certainty. Even those who were militantly against the tram: Cllr. Jackson and our MP, Anna Soubry are now pragmatically accepting its inevitability and getting behind making it work well.

Really crap news: It’s just been revealed that Wilko’s is to close. Yep, one of the better Beeston shops- I’m aware its a chain but its a very good one- is being kicked out of Beeston through no fault of its own. I’m not totally in possession of all the facts but it seems that the finger can be pointed at Broxtowe Borough Council’s planning committee that failed to ensure their was a suitable  relocation site to move to. As a result, the bulldozers will be rumbling up to the precinct in February and the emporium of budget house, garden and Pick n Mix produce will be reduced to rubble.

When the High Street is under attack by forces of recession, out-of-town shopping and Mary bloody Portas shaping legislation the enforced closure of one of the few shops to stand strong is a disaster, especially for those who work there and now face a post-xmas present of a P45.

Needless to say, the Campaign to Save Wilkos starts here….

More later, as I get it, and on Twitter: search for @beeestonia (yep, triple E). FOLLOW!

 UPDATE: Cllr. Barber has been in touch to offer some clarity on the matter:

This site and the associated other media are usually excellent but this time you are slightly askew:

True, Wilkos will have to move from their current location in April to make way for the tram. We have known this was going to happen now for several years, although sadly at some points I was the only person on the Council who actually remained convinced, which means that all those concerned have had plenty time to make alternative arrangements.

The Development Control Committee, which I chair and you seem to deride can only look at plans in front of us as submitted by an individual or developer. We have had no plans yet for a new Wilkos.

The matter of where Wilkos will move to is up to them and their landlord, we can only approve or chuck out the plans once they let us know.. 

Beestonia Gets Cross at the Bridge; then visited by Loose Women.

 ***WARNING!! ARTICLE CONTAINS DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF A COUNCIL MEETING. IF OPERATING HEAVY MACHINERY OR DRIVING, PLEASE FORWARD TO THE FLUFFIER EASIER TO READ BITS AT THE BOTTOM***

 

When we started planning The Beestonian, we tried to decide what it should be. One thing swiftly ruled out was a newspaper. Apart from there already being enough quality papers reporting on Beeston-based shenanigans, it’s also damn near impossible to be bringing fresh stories to an issue when you have no idea when all the editorial is ready; when the printer will have it ready and when I can face the long hilly walk to the other side of Beeston to collect it.It’s called NEWs and not SOMETHINGTHATHAPPENEDAWHILEAGOs.

So when we published a story about Beeston getting a bridge due to the A453 widening, rushing traffic from Clifton’s Crusader Island across the Trent, on stilts above the Rylands weir field and through to Lenton, we didn’t expect it to be not only news, but downright prescient. Five weeks after publication, it’s become a hot-topic in the  Broxtowe Borough Council Chamber. We make the zeitgeist look like a has-been.

A quick run through the story ( though OBVIOUSLY you all have every issue of The Beestonian committed to memory like the heroes of Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451). The A453 duelling is now looking pretty certain with Chancellor Osborne giving it the thumbs up in the recent Autumn Statement. Several potential routes were drawn up, each addressing a different problem. The Green Route aimed to avoid congestion building towards Clifton Bridge, by whisking traffic away over the Trent and through the Rylands, hence the bridge. We took an editorial line that this was a bad idea, ruining the peace of the Trent valley and bringing no benefit to Beeston directly: traffic would pass through, not park up, pop out and go and spend loads of cash in town.

We were not the only ones to be concerned, as a visit to the Broxtowe Borough Council full-council on Wednesday proved. It was a fluke I got to the meeting at all: I forgot all about it until a drunken encounter with Cllr. Eric Kerry in the Hop Pole while out celebrating my birthday at the weekend. I remembered that, luckily, and more fortuitously forgot anything else I might have said to Cllr. Kerry.

The meeting was initially good-natured compared to the last couple of fractious encounters. The spirit of Christmas was often evoked, and seemed to be ready to appear again when Cllr. Barber put forward his two-part motion, which I’ve c+p’d straight from the Council Agenda:

1) Recognises the need to dual the rural part of the A453 as part of an integrated transport strategy along that corridor.
2) Opposes construction of a road bridge across the Trent from the Rylands as discussed as possible options at both public inquiries held into this project (the Green Route).

Should be straight forward, non? Nothing that controversial, and Cllr. Richard Jackson seemed to be pretty happy with it, stating the economic benefits of the A453 widening (apparently for every pound spent on it, seven and half flow back). The bridge, he assured all present, was never a serious proposition and even it was, the County Council would vigorously oppose it. Thus ‘I fully support the motion…it is Christmas after all’

And for a moment it seemed to really feel that politics could be put aside for a while, and red, blue and yellow could be as one, away in a manger, jingle bells, jingle bells. But before the mince pies and mulled wine could be  distributed, politics decided it didn’t want to be left out, and came barging back in with sharpened elbows knocking away any bonhomie that may have developed.

The Lib Dems  decided that they weren’t happy with the second part of the motion, and were joined by the whip-free Cllr. Carr, on his first appearance at Full Council since splitting from the Lib Dems. Suddenly, a crack could be seen in the Lib/Lab partnership, and the Conservatives didn’t hesitate to rip it wider. The aforementioned Cllr. Kerry launched into a rather bizarre and confusing, but rather compelling analogy based around Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing: I’d try and explain exactly how this applied but despite being ok at English Lit when at school, I’m also the only person to ever go to Stratford as an adult, and when asked by the barman in the pub what Shakespeare stuff I’d done that day, innocently answer ‘Shakespeare? He was from  round here?’.

Cllr. Watts suggested amending the motion to erase the second part regarding the bridge, for the sake of unanimity. At this point, the council witnessed what will probably go down as the fastest u-turn in politics since  Eric Pickles noticed Greggs had a half-price sale on moments after driving by one.

Cllr. Jackson, moments before happy to go along with the motion in full, suddenly decided he didn’t like the second part after all, and suggested an amendment to scrub this: it was duly voted through; and unanimity followed when the motion vote was taken.

Now, compare this to the recent debate on housing in Toton. Again, the idea to build on the fields there were just that; an idea, but all parties were mad keen to be seen as championing retaining it as green belt. Soubry has even used it, rather churlishly, to relaunch herself as ‘Protector of the Green Belt’ , a position that I’ll show reeks of hypocrisy in a future article. So why the refusal to also protect the Rylands and The Trent Valley? It too is just a proposal, it too could be seen as not worth fighting against as it was ‘just a plan’. No one wants a bridge, so why not oppose it in principle?

I chatted to Cllr. Jackson after the meeting and asked why the volte- face. He explained the Green Route would ‘never be taken seriously anyhow’. I asked if it did get mooted, what would the County Council do ‘We’d oppose it, of course’.

Lets hope it never comes to that. But if, in a year or so, the Department for Transport start trying to heavy-handily impose a bridge over Beeston, please remember that the Council’s attitude towards this threat was   ‘We’ll cross it when we come to it’.

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On a much lighter note, we got on ITV’s Loose Women! Yep, the multi-headed hydra of ignorance and utter bilge that pollutes the daytime schedules like a dodgy drain in a clap-clinic; bigged up Beeston. More than one Beestonian alerted me to this – I of course never watch such tat, unerring from my ultra high-brow daytime diet of BBC4 documentaries involving Croatian composers,or a ten part history series on engraved ceramic garlic-presses.

Turns out that Sherrie Hewson, who appeared in Corrie and the revived Crossroads before deciding to join in with the setting back of feminism  40 years via the medium of babbling about arsebollocks to gin soaked depressed housewives, is a Beestonian! Heavens! Who knew?

I’ve been told that she was actually quite nice about her home town on the show, so maybe I should be a bit nicer. Then I google her picture and her resemblance to a certain non-Beestonian convince me otherwise.

Sweet dreams…

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Beestonia Gets Spooned by the Bankers / Issue 4 is GO!

Dear My Life. Slow down. I just can’t keep up. Loads has happened since I last wrote: I even got a year older.

Beestonia tucking into Vogue, yesterday.

 

I’ve decided there are a couple of solutions to this: the first is to assume some sort of Socrates / Samuel Johnson method and employ a Plato/ Boswell to do the actual writing bit while I just swan about doing stuff. Any takers?

Or I could find more time to plug my laptop in and hammer away on the keyboard until something passable gets thrown onto the screen. As I’ve just been thrown back into the utterly terrifying and faintly humiliating world of unemployment once again it looks like the latter solution is the most likely.

It’s possibly my own fault: taking a job in a Big Bank (whose name I best not mention as I haven’t got the same legal resources as Capital One have) wasn’t really the best career choice for me, but it was a temporary position, and to steal that eternal excuse trotted out by the erstwhile nude model, I needed the money.

I won’t lay into the place to heavily: its actually a good place to work: a subsidised canteen, flexibility on working hours and most people there are lovely. The work itself was pretty depressing though: I worked in Collections, which was trawling through the misery of others indebtedness, monitoring how debt-collection agencies would hunt them down until they coughed up. This is the side of credit the banks don’t like to flaunt, this recourse into the small print; this collecting the smashed prey that lies twitching in the sprung traps. But, as I explained, I needed the money.

I even managed to keep the horrible corporate culture from getting at me too much: the ‘inspirational’ slogans plastered everywhere explaining that I should ‘dare to be the best’, just one of many hollow messages  kicked out by some black-hearted motivational management consultant between chopping out poodle-leg lines of Columbian nose-tingler. Pointless seminars were held to hammer us with often bizarre ideas (were we ‘dolphin-thinkers, elephant-do’ers or camel-walkers?’ No, me neither); no noun could be spared being turned into a verb -sorry, no noun could escape a verbing…I didn’t let it get to me, its the curse of modern private sector workplaces, especially ones ran from the home of management bollock-speak, the US.

What did get me however was the undercurrent of harassment  that I started getting. At first I thought it was just paranoia, that my boss was doing it to everyone else and I was just being overtly sensitive. I thus shrugged off the across-office telling offs, the condescending sighs if I failed to grasp a process instantly, the humiliations of being singled out and yelled out in team meetings. Others noticed it though, and were incredulous, and I realised it was getting a bit silly. I didn’t want to be forced to storm out, or be forced to leave. I needed the money.

So I endured it until the day a colleague tapped me on the shoulder and said ‘Bit harsh, don’t you think?’. I turned to see on the team notice board, on full view to all staff, had some additions on it. Beforehand we’d had photos of us all across it, now these had laminated card ‘awards’ on them. So most ‘keen’ team member had a Roy Keane football shirt over their picture; the most inquisitive a pair of over-sized specs…and so on. Over my photo? A wooden spoon. Cheers.

What was left of my morale disintegrated, and through a haze of humiliation I tapped out a quick email to my boss outlining why I thought this was a nasty, unprofessional gesture. I also mentioned the other occasions where I’d been singled out by her, and how I would like to know what it was I was doing wrong to inspire such behavior. Aware that my crushed mood may have been affecting the tone of the email, I sent it to a couple of friends to look over: they made few changes, and I sent it off. This was a Tuesday.

On the Wedneday, the boss calls me into a meeting room for ‘a chat’. She acknowledges my email, apologises profusely, says shes sorry I feel this way and how much she appreciates my work, and how she is looking forward to me becoming an ‘associate’- a permanent member of staff. I accept the apology, and explain I’m sorry I had to send the email but respect the way it was dealt with. The wooden spoon gets removed, and replaced by a, errr, brick wall. Something to do with ‘solidity’ apparently.

Friday rolls round, and I finish the week, jump on the bus and, while relishing the thought of the approaching weekend, hear my phone ring. Its my job agency, and they have some news for me.

‘Hi Matt. It’s J— here, just to let you know you won’t be required at Capital One anymore. L– (my boss) wants to terminate your contract at minimum notice. You have two weeks left. Have a good weekend”).

The timing was horribly sneaky: tell me just at the start of the weekend so I didn’t get to ask if this decision was a coincidence or, as suspected, spite. I didn’t forget though, and on the monday confronted my boss. She explained that they’d made the decision before my complaint (despite booking me onto a training course after the supposed decision), that the complaint had nothing whatsoever to do with the decision, and, best of all, I had the ‘wrong type of personality’ to be a member of staff at Capital One. This intrigued me. I asked what she meant.

‘We want people who don’t put the money first: people who come here cos they love it and see the wage as a bonus’

I couldn’t help it, I burst into incredulous laughter and explained every single person in the office, however much they enjoyed their job, would not turn up if all roles became voluntary. Her eyes widened, her lips thinned.

“And thats EXACTLY why we don’t need negative people like you!’

I gave up at that point. I didn’t need  the money that much.

I served out the last fortnight  diligently and in an uncomplaining manner: I even trained up my replacement; had a leaving drink with some colleagues and once again became a member of that ever-burgeoning group, the unemployed. Just in time to really screw up Christmas.

Still, thats the lot of the temp, and I’ll be back in another job before long, albeit as a virtually powerless, right-free worker.

__________

Also, it gives me a bit more free time to work on The Beestonian, which reaches Issue 4 from tomorrow morning. It’s available all over Beeston, and in some choice venues beyond. Massive thanks to our sponsors, The Treasury and Belle and Jerome; as well as Jimmy at The Guitar Spot on Chilwell High Road, who looks like being a bit of a regular fixture…anyhow, just read it, will you? And if you can’t get a copy, drop me an email at mattgoold23@hotmail.com and I’ll send you a PDF you can print off yourself. It is Christmas, after all.

Beestonia Begs for Brevity (and dole-money); To the Manor Born?; Lift Going Down…

The irony of trying to run this blog is that the more interesting a story. I want to write about gets, the more difficult it gets to write about. Take, by example, the ever-growing story of housing in Beeston. I attended the last full council meeting where the Lib/Lab partnership effectively triangulated the Tories with their promise to ring-fence Toton from the avaricious desires of hungry developers determined to dump a sea of concrete on the land that buffers it from Chilwell and Stapleford. So far, so simple.

Then the complexities set in. Everybody decided they deserve the credit for this action, and in the scramble to claim the glory no love is lost between any of the parties. Throw in Soubry’s reinvention of herself as MP Anna Eco-Warrior and suddenly you have a twisted knot of complexity only a skilled and experienced local journalist can clinically unpick. Sadly, one isn’t available, so you’ll have to make do with my fat-thumbed attempts. I promise I’ll be on it as soon as I can. But first, a request to all politicians out there:can you just pause a bit while I catch up? Cheers.

_______________

Still, looks like I’ll have more time on my hands shortly.  I’ve had my contract on my full time job abruptly ended with just two weeks notice, and with a gloomy job market to have to go trawling round my leisure time will be grow in direct proportion to my debts. Still, as unemployment is apparently the in thing with the youth these days, I suddenly become quite hip again. Big up the dole-office massive, is, I believe, is the correct parlance.

I can’t say much about why my contract was terminated, or any juicy details about the few months I worked at the place I worked, as I have to serve out the last two weeks (neatly making my 38th Birthday the last proper payday before begging for JSA again). There is a story to tell though, and I’m itching to tell it. Stay tuned.

_______________________________

I still do have another job of course. Pays nowt but I’m coming to quite enjoy knocking out The Beestonian every few weeks. We’re up to Issue 3 right now, though technically its Issue 5 as we did a pilot edition and a student special, only available from the Beeston BID stand at University of Nottingham’s Fresher’s week. We now have a few sponsors who help us with the costs, a great local printer called Dave and everywhere we stock it seems appreciative. It’s still daunting to start producing each issue and seeing the formatted columns empty and crying to be filled…I may have more time to work on it now I’m out of gainful employment, but i’d still love you lot to help out: send me your thoughts, your ideas, any events you want publicizing, anything. Otherwise it may morph into a physical representation of the murkier depths of my mind, and believe me, that could be dangerous, if not outright illegal. Send me stuff at info@beestonia.org , or mattgoold23@hotmail.com if you want to see your name in print. We’re also on Twitter, search for @TheBeestonian . Our assistant editor Rish runs the Twitter feed, and as he also runs the top-notch Forest site www.eighteensixtyfive.com , please ignore any tweets that bang on about sweet midfield forward passes. He gets confused at times.

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Bizarre little (sort of Beestonia) fact: Peter Bowles, the quintessential sitcom well-groomed, oft-cravated posho and RP voiced raconteur actually grew up in a slummy corer of Hyson Green. Rumours that Penelope Keith used to deal crack from a terrace in Basford have yet to be confirmed.

"Aya masht midduck?" "I have utterly no idea what you are saying, Peter"

 

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And this very well may not be real, but it’s worth a look: (cheers to Neil Doherty for pointing me towards this)

Evidently theres a BA in Aerosmith Studies these days...

 

 

A Beestonian Meets Jimmy Saville, Luke Skywalker, Frank Bruno.

Just heard that Jimmy Saville has died, which is very sad as Jim’ll Fix It was my favourite programme as a kid, and I penned loads of letters to the Jingle-jangle cigar chomping genius, sadly to no avail. The letters invariably would ask if I could be in Star Wars: ride the Millenium Falcon, fight stormtroopers or lend Darth Vader my Ventolin. I didn’t realise that just up the road, a lad had beat me to it, meeting R2D2, Chewbacca, Luke Skywalker AND Jimmy Saville. And here is the evidence:

Do you know who the kid is? As that would have been filmed in 1979, he would be 40 now. Did you go to Roundhill with him? Did you envy him with such force your eyes went emerald? Are you him? Let me know.

So RIP Jimmy, and thank you for being in my favourite jaw-droppingly bizarre photographs, below:

 

Yep, thats Frank Bruno. Meeting Peter ‘Yorkshire Ripper’ Sutcliffe in Broadmoor. Consider your mind blown.

Oxjam Took Over Beestonia, and Beestonia Shone. Golf and Wrestling.

Beestonians, contort your limbs as best as possible and firmly plant a slap on your own backs, for you have excelled yourselves.  On Saturday, Oxjam came to Beestonia, took it over, shook it around and left us exhilarated and thoroughly grateful.

I confess that when I was initially told Oxfam had decided to move the Oxjam from its usual city centre home, I wasn’t entirely sure it would work. Despite the delights of this town that I’ve been shouting about for years, I worried that those yet to sample our delights might not bother making over. What I didn’t realise was that the organizing committee were somehow superhuman, and with a steely ambition to raise the target, pulled off a feat of wonder. Special thanks to Carly, who I imagine is probably still in bed, or at some sort of recuperative spa complex in the Chilterns, recovering from the intense juggling act of keeping things running over many venues.

And yes, the target was smashed. £4,000 was the aim, and sometime earlier today that was surpassed with much more cash still to be totted up. This is quite an achievement, wristbands were only £5 and many events free, but you dug deep, Beestonians.

There was something else in the air on Saturday. Palpable, heady and thrilling, the pervasive realisation that Beeston could do this, and do it well. The town knitted together, and created something that should be built on, and not just with hosting Oxjam again. We have the venues, we have the talent. Beeston becoming the cultural hub of the East Midlands? Scoff at your peril.

Have a look at Barton House, for instance. Until a few months ago, I didn’t even realise there was much there, apart from maybe a few offices. It’s a visual shock to actually see what is in there, and how its potential is finally being fully realised. On saturday it hosted not just a poetry and spoken word event (which I hosted, more on which later), but a Vintage Fair with steam engines rolling around; a multi-roomed utterly brilliant art exhibition which honestly beats anything I’ve seen at the Contemporary in an age; a children’s painting workshop; a pop up  shop selling artworks and suchlike; and a large music venue that hosted some brilliant local bands, with a licensed bar. This is a great resource to have in the town, and it’s resurrection as a venue is testament to Beeston finding its feet again.

Get yourself down there before Sunday before The Carnival of Monsters is in full swing,  and have a look for yourself. More details here.

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I too performed there, in the Engine room, hosting the Oxjam Poetry and Spoken Word event.

I’m not one for public speaking, and fear it greatly. The only time I can happily address a crowd is around 10.30pm on a Friday night in The Crown, where I suddenly become possessed by the ghost of Billy Grahame and happily pontificate loudly, fluently, and absolutely not incoherently to all in earshot about whatever twisted fascination/ bitter hatred is occupying me at the time. So getting up and  a spoken word night, without even a sip of Merlot past my lips, was a terrifying prospect.

I’m also on oral steroids right now, to clear up the damage a nasty bout of flu delivered. These have the side-effect of increasing body temperature, exhilaration and ‘manic thoughts’, and all three of these particular horsemen rode up to what I was expecting to be my own personal Armageddon.

Latino’s was visited beforehand, not for top-class pasta (go there, not Amores: it’s a bit pricier but 17 times better, and serves snails), but for a comedy afternoon in the back room. I watch how the comedians work a crowd effortlessly, holding us in the palm of their hands with charisma, wit, and jokes about dog poo. I screw up my notes. I’m going to have to wing it.

The problem with compering performance poets is manifold, but lets deal with the key issues. Performance poets/writers are very experienced and have refined their skill at

·         Writing stuff to read

·         Reading the stuff out

Thus, everyone is better at doing at what I’m meant to be doing than I. And then loads of people arrive, the organiser who was meant to be doing my timings doesn’t turn up and I have to project my voice rather than use a mic. I scribble some notes, bluster through them, and then have the luxury of watching the acts.

There were some excellent performers too, a real eclectic mix that ran from whimsy to ire, meditative to cathartic. I won’t single out one in particular but will note that when I realised that local author Niki Valentine was formally known as Nicola Monaghan and wrote one of my favourite books, the utterly compelling, grittier than a grit box tour de force The Killing Jar, I went a bit weak at the knees to be in proximity to someone with such talent. She has a new book called The Haunting out, which she read an excerpt from. Its available here. I’ll also put links up to some of the performers soon.

It got a bit cold towards the end, but the venue in Barton House engine room, with its backdrop of ancient shiny buses, was fantastic nonetheless, even if I break land speed records for the sprint to the bar once we’d wrapped up.

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How to follow a night of such high-brow artiness then? I get up on Sunday, nosh down a sausage sarnie and go and watch some wrestling. In Beeston. Yes, wrestling. In Beeston.

My good friend and near neighbour Rik is to blame. He’s long been a die-hard fan of men in tights grappling each other, yet despite many, many attempts to make me see the light has not yet convinced me. We share a lot of tastes, in film, in Neil Young and Half Man Half Biscuit records; in bargain bin cider, but I still am baffled. As an open minded man though, I agree to attend to see it in its visceral glory. Plus, Rik informs me theres a licensed bar.

I’m still a bit unsure what I saw that afternoon. Taking place incongruously in Beeston Youth Centre, aka The Shed, barrel chested men in comic outfits played out choreographed mini battles that involved much face slapping, gurning and sneering at the crowd. Everyone there, except me and the bar-lady, seemed to know the complex ties the wrestlers had with each other, and how these narratives would be played out. It was outrageously camp. And that’s not a complaint, as it was also entirely involving and entertaining, even if I’m not sure what ‘it’ actually was.

Maybe next time we could combine it with a poetry event? I’ll see if I can get an arts grant.

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And while we’re on the subject of grapples in the ring, tonight they’ll be a full Council meeting at The Town Hall that I’ll be attending. The chief issue on the agenda will be the thorny issue of housing in the Borough.

It’s an incredibly tricky argument, the Tories angry at what they see as an assault on the green belt, the Lib Lab partnership angry at what they see as ignoring the increasing accommodation needs of a growing borough, and other voices pointing out the figures might be  skewed anyway and everyone might be wrong.  Thus, I’ve decided to get my two bits and use the Sword of Beestonia to cleave through this problematic Gordian Knot.

Golf courses. Build on golf courses. There we go, problem solved. They take up huge swathes of land, are of use to all but a few who can afford/be arsed to play, and can easy be snapped up with compulsory purchase. They are NOT greenbelt at all, but staggeringly sterile places due to the constant manicuring of the turf and homogenous planting. A row of back gardens on an average terraced street creates a more diverse and varied habitat, and a more effective corridor. One golf course can be several hundred acres of land: the housing issue can be addressed in an instant without a single piece of greenbelt being touched. That, or buy out Tesco and turn it into social housing, which I’ve been proposing since before the foundations had been laid.

Everyone happy? Then I’d like a nice bungalow with staggering distance to the Clubhouse, please.

Beestonia announces The Beestonia 2; OXJAM: get your tickets NOW; guff and suchlike.

It’s that time of year where things seem to be in an accelerated flux: the trees are one moment dressed in green, the next golden brown, then stripped skeletal by a northern, iced wind. The shops go from barbecue roasts to frozen turkeys in the time it takes to rummage through the Deli counter; and like invading orange aliens, pumpkins colonise the veg aisles. Tastes change, and where previously a pub visit would demand a golden ale to slake my thirst, now I crave the almost spiced deeper dark ales that don’t chill from within, but radiate a warm, fat heat. Knitwear appears. Its autumn. And still, nobody has invented a hibernation machine I could step in right now, switch on, and emerge in mid-April, on that first warm day, to don shorts on legs that have been spared the chapping of welly-rub on frigid flesh. To breath air that still tastes of something, rather than numbs the senses. To wake in the light, and finish a shift at work with the world still lit.

 Alas, science is still dragging on this particular subject, instead seemingly happier to seek cures to diseases, eliminate world hunger and decipher the most fundamental mysteries of the Universe. Tsk to you, science, tsk. And tsk to my GP who gave short shrift to the mooted theory that the NHS would save themselves a fortune if they just shipped me to the Antipodes till Easter, and thus not have to pay for the treatment of  inevitable sniffles, chest infections and ice-induced broken tibias/fibias.

So I’m here for the long haul, dear Beestonians. I can’t spend the evenings gallivanting wide-eyed round Attenborough Nature Reserve spotting kingfishers which were probably just wrens in fortunate light, picking blackberries and soaking up as much summer as my pores allow, I’m sentenced to six months of BEING INSIDE, my comforts soft lighting and central heating; thick soups and wines the darker side of burgundy.

So I best get on with writing something, rather than blather about the unfairness about something that has been happening every year of my life and many millions before, which somehow I feel happens just to annoy me. So sit down, get your wine mulled, and I’ll fill you in with all thats great right now.

Beestonia Reaches Issue Two!

Yes, its incredible, we actually got a second edition out! (actually, its sort of number four, as we had a taster Issue Minus One, and a Student Special given to 1,000 freshers). It has lots of good stuff in, including two very good causes I will bang on about below here.

 First, I must thank The Treasury, the classy gift shop on Wollaton Road that has agreed to be our first sponsor. We run the paper on a not-for profit basis, as we simply like doing it, but there are inevitable expenses, and I’m not talking about my bar bill I run up sourcing stories chatting to the loose of tongue round Beeston. Nope, thats my own tab to pick up. We do, however, need to pay our printer for costs and paper, and although he’s a great chap (again, more on him below), it’s still an expense. As we want to eventually get a little more pretty and go colour, and also get a larger print run, we also need to get some dough together to fund this.

No, I’mSo all help is welcome, and thats why The Treasury needs YOU to go up there and buy something as they were wonderful enough to come forward and offer help. ‘Oh, Lord Beestonia’ you utter, ‘Why can’t I buy my cards and suchlike from Clinton Cards, its on the High Street and is pretty cheap? Well, the first reason is that Clinton are presently displaying a collection of greeting cards that are inspired by the telly programme that exists purely to celebrate the fact that the barrel is no longer being scraped, it’s been worn through. The barrel-pokey thing has gone through, into the earth, then a layer of rotted dog poo, then waggled about in TOWIE. Yep, The Only Way is Essex. Imagine if that was true. The Only Way was Essex. Imagine. Then imagine the loaded revolver I’m passing you, and the sweltering temple it would be pressed against.

One of the cards even has the dual cases of neologistic abbreviative vileness of them: OMG and LOL.

Buy one of those, and sorry, you have been relegated to plant-life. No, moss. No, lichen. You are lower,  You are mono-cellular. You are amoeba. Dreams of sex involve you tearing asunder into two identical halves. You cause dysentry. You are almost certainly unable to read this, which is welcome. I set my ‘Species Readership Level’ at ‘Fish’. But I won’t carp on. And I won’t waste space making fish puns. Nope. Period. Fin. And I digress.

The Treasury is thus a place to visit if you appreciate quality and localism, which you evidently do cos you’re reading this. So get up there and have a peek. It’s two doors down from a cob shop named Beeston Baps. Just saying.

We also really need more help to carry on, so if you want to be our friends, get in touch, either via this blog or info@beestonia.org .

I best point out here that while I editThe Beestonian, i’m only one head on a multi-headed hydra that barks the content (do hydras bark? Thinking about it, I’m getting confused with Cerebus. Hydras hiss, I reckon). We merely wish to be saying stuff out loud that we hear around Beeston, the only criteria being that it’s a bit interesting. I try and keep it together, but it’s not me having a rant, it’s us :Beestonians, having a shout to your peers. We need you, you are our voice, we are your medium. So if you can’t throw money at us, throw ideas, stories, articles, reviews, ANYTHING. This is for you; thus in turn for us.

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Two things you should do if you have any spare change in your wallet, well before pinging it in my direction, is to give it to a couple of causes that will give you a hell of a lot more back.

First is Oxjam. I wrote about this before, so won’t bang on  too long about it, but it is the biggest cultural event to hit Beeston in years; and if its a success, will be an annual home. Beeston will have a festival. An annual festival. One where you can visit without a tortorous drive/coach journey and not have to queue for toilets/sleep with only a nanometre of canvas between you and a cow poo/ pay ONE MILLION POUNDS for a pint. Instead, you can buy a ticket for a mere fiver, swan round Beeston all day and night, see stuff that you’d normally have to spend a dozen evening seeing, and get that warm glow of doing something for charity. It will be ace. Get your arses down to Oxfam Books and Music/The Crown when you can. If you say I sent you, cheers.

More info at http://www.oxjambeestontakeover.org/

As an aside, I popped down to a taster event at The Crown on Sunday, an ‘open mic’ of poetry and spoken word. I expected the worse, to be honest, as adolescents read their paeons to parental oppression and opposite sex obsession, but no, it was a boisterous, bawdy and heavily entertaining evening. I even came in second in the competition ‘”Write a limerick starting with ‘There was a young lady from Beeston…’ . Get your fivers out and your arses down.

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I mentioned earlier that The Beestonian ‘s printer is based in Beeston, and goes by the name of Nottingham Offset. I’m quite proud of using a local business: it would be massively hypocritical for us to do anything other. Sadly, the rest of the Notts press isn’t of the same mind. The Nottingham Post (it dropped the ‘Evening’ part ages ago, though even our MP, amongst many others, hasn’t caught on yet), is now knocked out on presses based in Birmingham, and bought over. This is hardly up there with the Battles of Wapping in the eighties, and local press is under huge commercial pressures as the internet sucks the life from them, but it is still sad. The same printers who will lose there jobs as a result will be looking for new posts on paper printed by the very people who took their jobs. Recessions do bring on cruel ironies.  

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Beestonia Blackberry Burgled,Bah. And The Beestonian NEEDS YOU.

My existence as a self-facilitating media node recently took a hit when, due to my great decision to leave my back door open overnight, some git slipped into my house and stole my jacket and man-bag, which contained my Blackberry, my wallet, and all my notepads for this blog and The Beestonian.

Weirdly, when the coat and bag  (in a heap outside found by a very nice lady), they only took cash out my wallet and the phone, neglecting the notepads which contained fantastic article ideas, usually involving councillors having drinking contests (Cllr. Kerry and Barber, I’m looking at you). Nope, they were left, and I felt hurt. Not as hurt as my housemate however: they stole his CD collection, all tucked into a leather wallet, yet threw that back to. Having spent many evenings listening to his early nineties ambient techno rock tracks, I must give some credit to the burglar.

Still, not a good experience. Any readers who have stuck with me for over 18 months will be aware that I have been burgled before: when living on Marlborough Road, a burglar walked into my bedroom and had a good peruse through my top drawer, not realising I was in bed, off work with flu. I ended up chasing him down the stairs and through the house, before he jumped out the window. I realised continuing to chase him down the street dressed, as I was, merely in boxers, would probably be a greater crime than the one I was trying to avenge, so-called the police instead. And slipped into some trousers before they arrived. That was, I thought, the last time I’d be done over: statistically it would be absurd for me to be got again. Alas, chance don’t work like that.

Beestonians are great though, and despite the crapness of having stuff nicked, I had quite an amusing day. My first hero was Lesley, the woman who found my discarded belongings. She works as a carer in the old folks complex next to my house, and had a rough night of it by all accounts. Before finding my stuff, she’d had to call an ambulance for a passed out, near dead drunk, and came close to having to give him mouth-to-mouth. Despite just coming off shift and being evidently pooped, she still drove me to the police station and sat with me as I fretted that I’d lost my passport in the theft (I hadn’t, thankfully, or the holiday to Corfu I took last week would have been replaced with a week in the Costa Del Backgarden).

Poor Lesley had recently given up ciggies after many years, and I’m sure my stress-heading must have backcombed her nerves. Yet she still sat with me till an officer came over, despite me being an absolute stranger with unbrushed hair and possibly reeking of the previous night’s booze. Lesley, you’re a Beestonian hero. Good luck

And she’s not the only one. Later that day, a uniformed cop came round to take the obligatory statement. After running through the details of my property (‘I like to get us much details in as possible’ he claimed ‘Too many property shows’), he took the narrative statement. I explained what happened, then he read it out:

I was awoke in my bed at approx. 9am by a cat jumping on my chest. This rather bemused me, as I don’t own a cat”. He glanced over, I nodded my approval.

“However, I have made friends with several cats in the neighbourhood, and this was one of them”

I nodded again, then exclaimed That makes us (my housemate and I) sound like a pair of spinsters.”

“Could be worse, I’ve decided to leave out the next bit of what you said”

“What was that?”, I asked: I’d blabbed most of the statement in what was only just the rational side of a stream of consciousness. He read back his rough notes:

“I recognised the cat to be one I call ‘Hitlercat’, on account of its resemblance to the erstwhile dictator. I am not aware of her real name’.

I agreed this was best left out.

PC Shaun Foster was a true gent. We talked of the recent riots, he’d been in a van that was targeted by a firebomb when travelling past Canning Circus police station. I mentioned how useful and informative Notts Police had been on Twitter over those weird nights. ‘Yeah, we got loads of plaudits for that, and for a week, the public seemed to like us”. He gazed wistfully into the middle-distance “but didn’t last long. The public are back to hating us again.”

I don’t, I think the police are broadly same as any other group of humans on the planet, in that they can be divided into two distinct groups twats and non-twats. No other distinction matters. And PC Foster was definitely in the latter camp. And for that,  he also gets a full cap-doffing from Lord Beestonia.

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A week in Corfu followed, glorious weather, lots of snorkelling and the discovery of a perfectly palatable red wine that retailed at under £1.75 per litre. I now appear to have been varnished, such was my refusal to not sunbathe, and looking at twinning the little village we visited with Beestonia. They seemed keen when I mentioned it. I’ll see if I can get it on the table at the next full council. I’m willing to do the travelling to facilitate this, and will be happy to serve as ambassador if my consulate lodgings is up to scratch. Feel free to set up a petition.

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The next issue of The Beestonian is nearly ready to hit the streets, edited this time by my over-worked and unpaid assistant editor Rish. This is despite his other life as the brainchild behind www.eighteensixtyfive.co.uk , the best Nottingham Forest blog on-line. As I was eating gyros and swilling Mythos on my olive grove overlooking balcony, poor Rish was dealing with Nottingham Forest disintegrating before his eyes. After appearances on telly, radio and writing an article for the Nottingham Post, he had to come home to cobble together the next issue.

We also did a special student issue for the freshers, send an email to info@beestonia.org if you’d like a copy. Also, we are really struggling to find funding right now (exacerbated by O2′s uselessness in getting my mobile back online, thanks, incompetent phone people). If you know anyone, or are someone, who’d like to help us in return for a coveted ‘TRUE BEESTONIAN’ award, then get in touch at the above email, or mattgoold23@hotmail.com. Cheers, and don’t have nightmares.

*****

And finally, a special mention to Nosh, the very nice Chinese restaurant on the high street, for this mildly disturbing, and utterly perplexing  dish available on their takeaway menu:

Oxjam Beestonia Takeover.

 

Two posts in two days? Why Lord Beestonia, you spoil us! I certainly do, but this ones a bit special and I want you to all have a read and then…well, you’ll see.

Next month, Beeston will come part of what will be Britain’s biggest festival of 2011, when pubs, bars and other venues host the Oxjam Beeston Takeover. Yep, they’ve chosen as, not the City Centre, not West Bridgford, but Beeston. Why? Because we are stuffed full of good venues, good talent and people like YOU who fancy doing your bit for charity by stumbling between venues with a wristband on your arm and a belly full of beer (other refreshments are available to people with less of a thirst than myself).

The programme runs thus:

Beeston Town Centre:
12.00 until 5.30pm – Live music until 5.30pm – free entry
Venues throughout Beeston including The Crown, Belle & Jerome, The Commercial Inn, Flying Goose.
Chilwell High Road – Ticket / Wristband only entry. Tickets £5 all proceeds to Oxfam.
2pm until 5pm – Comedy Latinos Restaurant
5pm until 7pm – Poetry & Spoken word
The Gallery, Barton House
7pm until close – Live Music at: The Hop Pole,Chequers Inn, The Bar, Barton House.

And a special treat for you: attend the 5-7pm event at Barton House and you’ll see me in the flesh, compering and very likely looking like a rumpled rabbit in the headlights. I’ve been promised I’ll be introducing some very excellent talent, so you can ignore my bits and enjoy the scenery.

 

I attended a sneak preview of one of the bands at a recent press launch at Barton House, the rather excellent duo Miss600, who played a short set that was oddly familiar: if you’ve listened to BBC Radio 2 lately you’ll know why. There latest single was A-Listed and Chris Evans is such a fan he interviewed the lead singer not long before I had a chat with her. They are going to be huge, an they are just one band playing.Heres what to expect:

 

A word about Barton House too: despite attending college across the road from it (many, many years ago); and chasing our esteemed MP into its offices on occasion, I never realised what a staggering incredible space it is. Attendees of the recent Heritage Day would have had a taste of its huge interior and backdrop of ancient, yet remarkably preserved buses from Barton’s long history. The ones from the seventies and eighties even went as far as inducing a mild Proustian rush from me, albeit one that evoked memories of trips to Bramcote baths on red tarten seats. Simon Barton is a very genial chap too, even if he told me off for not updating Beestonia enough.

I know a fair few local politicians read this blog, so I’d like to appeal to them to help me get the word out in your newsletters, and throw your support behind it. Better still, attend. Theres less mud and better food than Glastonbury.

More details can be found here:

http://www.oxfam.org.uk/oxjam/Info/Event/OxjamBeestonTakeover2011

and keep updated on Facebook by going here:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/167330479980983/

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And we’ll finish with a little bit of politics. This evening I recieved official confirmation from Steve Carr that he had resigned the Lib Dem whip as:

I can no longer support a partnership with Labour that includes councillors who I consider very left-wing.

I have not resigned from the party and I remain part of the LibDem group at County Hall albeit as an Independent Social Democrat
(I am not allowed to call myself an Independent LibDem)

More on this later, but it seems there could be some tumultous times ahead for Broxtowe Borough Council….

 

Beestonia: Yes I Do Update This, Part One.

I think I’m going to make this blog more honest and rename it ‘Reasons Why I Never Get Round To Updating Beestonia‘, cos that’s seemingly how I have to start every post. I do have my excuses though, so let me fumble in my pocket before proffering the blog version of a ‘why Matt has not been to school for ages’ parent forged-signature sicknote.

First is simply time. As  I hurtle through my thirties the pace picks up as I realise time is running out, and I still haven’t done loads of things. So when I’m not sleeping, working at my proper job or editing The Beestonian (more on this later), I’m doing all the things I MUST do before I’m too old. Using the time I have to guarantee that my death-bed, when it beckons me to lie upon it, will be a place to swim in fond memory of a life well lived. Yep, I’ve being doing that. And playing a lot of Angry Birds.

Mainly playing lots of Angry Birds. Bastard egg-stealing pigs. When will they learn?

Anyhow, I will now sit at my screen and give you a glimpse into the doings and adventures of Lord Beestonia over the last month. I’m going to write a new post everyday for the next few days on different subjects, but what shall we start with? You seem to like the politics, so lets have a crack at that then.

Full Council Meeting: September 7th. A tip off lures me to attend the evening Broxtowe Council Meeting, a couple of the more pugilistic Councillors tip me off there could be a bit of a scrap to witness concerning Conservative objections to the Lib/Lab partnership’s planning consultation. But this particular thorny issue is lopped off before it can get juicy, and adjourned, and then its all gets a bit weird. Let us take  two statements that are so uncontroversial its hard to believe they could offer political vantage points.  Both are statements that unite rather than polarise, and should be made to the Council and met with a brief flurry of raised hands  and a muttered groan of ‘Ayes’ :

  • The recent  riots were a bad thing
  • Climate change exists and is also a bad thing.
This is Broxtowe however, and things are seldom so simple.
The riots debate starts, and it’s good natured to begin. The Tories condemn the rioters, praise the police, and say that it might be something to do with the concept of ‘Broken Britain’, whatever that means. Labour throw a few speeches in, condemn the rioters, praise the police and say that it might be something to do with the effects of Austerity Britain.
So far, so predictable. Then the Lib Dems stand up. Or rather, a Lib Dem, Cllr. Steve Carr, and delivers a speech that certainly woke up those in the chamber dozing off.

I don’t have a full transcript, sadly, as I was too busy wondering why it is that the Lib Dems in Broxtowe (I’m looking at you,  Cllr. Watts) can betray the idea that the Lib Dems are mild-mannered, uncontroversial folk who are never happier than at a school fete. When I mentioned this quirk to a senior politician I was indulging in some email correspondence with recently, he pointed out that not being part of the political ‘dual-hemisphere’ establishment means they see themselves as outside the unspoken yet entrenched rules of play. I don’t condemn or condone this, but it does make things a hell of a lot more interesting on occasion.

Carr’s targets were not the Tories for knee-jerk, reactionary politics, a target that put clear blue water between themselves and their coalition politics on the national scene. No, the knife was reserved for their local political partners, Broxtowe Labour; in particular the left of the party.
His argument ran that by supporting more militant causes on the left, less centrist  Labour councillors condoned the violence. Evidence for this was proffered with quotes from the forum at Notts SOS, and national sites opposed to austerity and the cuts. Notorious unreconstructed anarchist Ian Bone was conflated with local councillors, and with an ire previously unsuspected in Cllr. Carr. He then launched a rebuttal to those who posited that the removal of EMA played some part in the disaffected angry nature of youth, with the rather ill-thought out description of the allowance-which I know from personal experience kept a couple of friend’s kids in college- was generally squandered on booze and pizzas.

The reaction was just as vehement. Councillors Marshall and Oates, who I assume the tirade was directed at, were itching to speak to defend themselves, but it was Cllr. Barber (Lab) who ultimately caught the Mayor’s eye:”I never have heard such a diatribe of drivel!’ thundered Steve B at Steve, and a particular vicious slanging match ensued, rising in volume to such an extent the Mayor had to thump her gavel down half a dozen times before some peace returned.

What do I think? It would be daft of me to proffer an opinion without declaring many interests: I’ve aligned with Notts SOS in the past. It’s a broad church. They don’t have a rigid party line, more a central premise, that the austerity cuts are too harsh and swingeing. I do not doubt that if the Tories hadn’t been forced into a coalition the Lib Dems would be involved in this. As it is, they are getting a kicking for supporting education cuts, so are rather tender right now. There are other reasons I could mention, and Cllr. Carr sent me a comprehensive email after the meeting detailing his argument which did contain some points I can’t disagree with….but I can see the next few years of partnership at this local level being so rocky the coalition at a national level will look like a Mills and Boon-esque love affair in comparison. Will we see floor-crossings, defections, torn loyalties? William Hill already have my money on that.
Still, it made for great political scrapping, and made me feel sparky that such passion could be thrown about in local politics. It would prove to be short-lived. EDIT: Minutes after I publish this, I read that Cllr. Carr has resigned the whip. If anyone wants next saturdays lottery numbers, postcard to usual address please.

Debate moved on to Climate Change. A consensus seemed to descend, before a Conservative Councillor (I will add her name when I figure out who) made a short, snappy speech on why Climate Change was bunk and a scientific conspiracy theory concocted to steal money through taxes off good honest people like herself.

It’s what scientists do, you see. I know a fair few, and its a NIGHTMARE trying to get them to talk to me about any research in developing new antibiotics to combat super-bugs; fight cancer; or simply work out the wonders of nature as they are far too busy cackling at how they have this new great idea to get an extra bit of funding by nicking off to Antarctica, melting the icecaps with hand-held blowtorches then pretending it’s something to do with pumping loads of greenhouse gases into the air. They really are the limit, I tell you. Tricksters in white coats. It’s hilarious, one recently explained that despite the fact Global warming is demonstrable with even the most basic grasp of science, and the effects are observable right now, it’s just him and his mates having a lark! Bless!

Enough facetiousness, Beestonia. She seemed of the James Delingpole school of thought, where most (scientifically ignorant) far-righters, from the American Tea-Party to the European Nationalists linger;  a collective we can describe as the ‘Bat-shit Crazies’.

Yet ignorance does not observe party-lines, and after a cracking speech by Grahame Harvey (Cons.) describing climate change deniers as ‘members of the Flat-Earth Society’, a Labour member managed to defy science himself by simultaneously standing-up while shooting himself in the foot.

Charlie Robb, for it was he, doesn’t believe in climate change, not because of some previously discussed conspiracy. Nope. Cllr. Robb doesn’t believe in it because ‘If ice decreases in volume when it melts, how can they be rising sea levels?’ . Please ensure you have enough paracetamol to hand before you start face-palming yourself too hard.

The motion, that the Government provide more support for local authorities who wish to take steps against climate change, was thus not passed unanimously, having the aforementioned Labour councillor and a depressing FIVE tories oppose it. It’s hardly a result that matters much in the great scale of things, but if this is indicative of the world as a whole, Beeston will have a ocean-lapping beach very soon.

Tomorrow: Beestonia does some charity and bangs on about it.